He Showed Me Colors
Username: Shiningstary
Status: Ongoing
Synopsis: He showed me colors is the winner of BOTW week 3 Contest held by CBY book club.
Have you ever thought, how does it feel to be different? When you don't have what you want the most?
We don't need eyes to see the world, it just need a heart and soul to praise the beauty of anything. Trust is never seen, its always felt. You cannot see love, you feel it.
Meet Annabel Robinson, a 16 year old girl unknown about the world of colors. Annabel "Annie" had been blind since birth, she does not know how world's appearance is. Her mother and her best friend are the only ones who understand and value her. She has a complicated relationship with her father and love her brother dearly. Most people think her as freak, but she does not care. But somewhere deep down she does. But her world changes when Dean enters her life. A handsome boy who knows how to treasure real you in a person. He has made his aim to fill Annie's world with colors.
Accompany Annabel in her journey of finding colors and Dean showing her the true meaning of colors.
The synopsis was a ball of contradictions, or unintentional puzzles. For example, the first two sentences just circle around each other. The author wrote, Have you ever thought, how does it feel to be different? When you don’t have what you want the most? I would have said, Have you ever thought about how it would feel to be different? What if that difference meant not having the thing you wanted the most? It sounds better and isn’t confusing for the reader to follow.
As I stated before there are contradictions throughout.
…but she doesn’t care. But somewhere deep down she does.
If you’re going to have the second part you need to change the first so they do not contradict. I would have said, …she tries not to care, but somewhere deep down she does.
It also gives a bit of the story away. I would work on making it more intriguing. It’s almost as if the author is spoon feeding the reader as if they wouldn’t understand.
The author introduces Clare and says she’s tall, but contradicts themselves by saying that she is 5 foot 2 inches, which is not tall at all. The author again tells us that Annabel is blind, though they have already informed us of this in the synopsis before. They then go on to let Annabel narrate what we have already read in the synopsis. Just in different words. This is why I feel the synopsis should be worked on.
There are many grammatical errors, but they are those that I see most often when English is not the authors first language. However, it takes away from the story and turns readers off. The author stated on the first chapter that it was slightly edited. While I believe it because it is better than the ones that follow, it still need work.
I will say that it got a bit better as far as confusing circles go, but the grammar did not get much better. There are many words missing, words ended incorrectly. If this is indeed due to the fact that English is not the author’s first language, then I would recommend a Beta reader, or editor as they call it on wattpad, to help with such things.
I only got through the first three chapters after the synopsis. I have to say that the writer has a lot of work ahead of them. While the story idea is definitely a good one, I have to wonder if an idea will be enough to catch readers, and keep them.
Unfortunately, I’m going to have to give this story a 2 out of 5…for the moment.
¤WickedMindz¤
