I'm A Loser

Chapter 56.

Stu and the guys practiced their asses off for hours until it was almost time for the actual gig. Their young dancer was a twenty-something voluptuous German woman who had a distinct taste for which song she performed to. Despite her demands, the guys were willing to give in as long as she kept parading in her provocative outfit and rehearsing with them.

"I need some air." Tiffany rolled her eyes as she left me alone at the empty table in the audience. The crowds outside weren't anywhere near allowed in at this time of the evening. I just smoked my cigarette and shook my head in jealousy as she giggled at Stu's and John's jokes as they tried to impress her during a break. I decided to fix my makeup and jumped a little when I heard him speak.

"Aw don't worry love. You look perfectly kissable to me."

I gave him a sarcastic smile and watched him sit next to me. "Coming from you that just warms my heart."

He just smiled and sat back, putting his hands in his pockets. "So um, I heard you'd be working as soon as you got here. Haven't seen you quite busy yet."

"Not until Rory Storm comes in. Why do you care Peter?" I asked. He shrugged and thanked the barmaid as she handed him a beer.

"I just do Molly. We were once a thing for quite some time."

"Yeah we were. You used me, mistreated me, hit me..."

He sighed and sat up. "I'm sorry. Look I...I've been wanting to talk to you alone."

"We have nothing left to say to one another Peter. I just...you put me through so much pain I just can't.." I stood up. He stood up with me and looked down.

"I don't expect you to forgive me or think of me in any good way possible. I fucked you over and I now understand. You think you were the only one dealing with problems at the time??"

I scoffed. "You don't give a damn about me Peter. All you ever cared about was fucking me and showing me off to your friends like I was a trophy. Now excuse me." I began to walk away but he grabbed my arm. Not rough or threatening like he used to. It was just firm and desperate.

"Peter." I looked at him. He let go.

"Molly just...I want to talk. I won't hurt you or be a fuckin prick like I used to be. Please."

I looked up at the stage as Stuart and John spoke to eachother about the gig, Paul now talking to the dancer as George sat on an amp and watched me like a hawk. Then I looked at Peter. Something about him seemed oddly different. He always had a rough and coy look in his eyes. Like he was ready to get in a fight. But now, he looked completely desperate for my attention. He was right. We were once together. Not in a way like Stu and I. But in a different way that most wouldn't understand.

"Let's take a walk." I gave a faint smile.
....

Peter was always distant and quiet about his true feelings. There was definitely a reason I stayed with him for over a year. It was this side of him I had fallen for.

We walked down the street of clubs and found an open field that was away from the busy streets. I stayed silent as he took his leather jacket off and leaned back against a tree. My eyes never left him as he handed me a cigarette and lit it for me. He laughed a little and lit one for himself.

"What's wrong?"

I sat on the ground and fiddled with the lit cig between my fingers. "I'm just wondering when you're going to change again. Should I be worried?"

He sat beside me and took a long puff. "You've always hated me huh?"

"I loved you."

"Did you?"

"I did. I loved you a lot and...it wasn't just because of sex or the rock 'n roll. It was because you were real you know? You had this bad boy attitude with the band but with me you were sweet and gentle. When we first met remember?"

"At that gig where we went back and..."

"Alright so it wasn't completely romantic. But..it was a start."

"We were young." He shrugged.

"Yeah. We still are just...I wanted more Peter. I was grieving and you were there for me. Why did you change??"

He took another drag and grabbed my hand, lifting his shirt and rested my fingers on a scar above his abdomen. I softly brushed my fingers over the large mark and looked into his eyes.

"What happened??"

"That day in the diner..after what happened I got fuckin pissed out of me mind at a pub later that night...I got in a fight with some bloke who had a fuckin knife on him and...he stabbed me. I was in the hospital for a month."

"Peter I'm sorry. If I would've known..."

He laughed and pulled his shirt back down. "I was horrible to you that day Molly. I was horrible to you all the time.."

"Not all the time. You were a good guy.."

"Don't do that anymore Molly. I was a fuckin dick who abused you mentally and physically. I gave you a black eye for fucks sake!"

"You didn't mean to..."

"Molly." He gave me a look. I nodded and took a drag of my ciggy. "I hurt you terribly Molly and...after I got discharged from the hospital I realized that you were the only girl I had. You cared for me and wanted a real relationship and I took it all for granted. Fuckin christ I'm a bastard and I don't deserve your company anymore. When I saw you again my first reaction was to hate you for leaving me. To make you want me again but...I see you're happy. You're with a bloke who treats you every way I should have. All I want you to know now is that...I'm sorry. I'm so fuckin sorry for everything I've put you through and how badly I've mistreated you."

I looked down and couldn't help feeling myself breakdown. He looked a bit upset at the sight of me crying.

"What's wrong?" He asked. I sniffled and wiped my eyes.

"I don't know I just....all of this. I feel confused and rediculous for not even knowing about what happened to you afterward." I wiped my eyes again as more tears let go. "I don't know what happens from here or what to do next."

"I want us to be friends Molly. If it's possible."

I looked at him and let him wipe my tears away with his thumb. The clearer my vision got, the more I couldn't help taking in how handsome he looked. Greased hair, strong jawline and studying eyes. I leaned in and gave him a small but warm kiss. He was surprised at first but returned the gesture until we pulled away. I sniffled and felt myself move into his arms as he held me tightly.
...

When we arrived back at the club, everyone seemed shocked and taken back as Peter and I walked together into the building.

"Come on Pete we need to get ready." John said, steering him away from me as Stu walked over. I sat at the same table from before and watched as Tiffany and Paul talked.

"You alright?" Stu asked sitting beside me.

"Yeah."

"What was all that about?"

"He wanted to talk. We needed to settle things right and..."

"Did he hurt you??" Stu asked protectively. I couldn't help smiling and holding his hand.

"No. He was..." I looked at Pete as he glanced my way. "He was sweet. He um, wanted to apologize and ask for us to be friends."

Stu raised his eyebrows. "D'you trust him?"

I looked into Stu's eyes and nodded. "I do."
..........