I'm A Loser

Chapter 31.

Five Months Later
December 24, 1959

I lit the candles throughout the large room and sat on the mattress where my tea and novel waited. Just as I opened the new chapter, Stu waltzed in with a happy look on his face.

"What's this?" I asked.

"My collection sold! I almost forgot this feelin ye know?? Months of hard work finally paid off." He plopped beside me and pulled me into his arms. "Molly love I feel on top of the world."

I smiled and kissed his cheek. "I'm so proud of you baby. I told you things would get better."

"You did." He looked at me and smiled. "I love ye so much."

"I love you too." I pecked his lips. "Does this mean we can take another trip?"

"Next week after the holiday. Molly, I think we should take a step further into our relationship."

I raised my eyebrows. "Like?"
....

These past few months have really been some of the toughest, longest days of our lives. It even manged to put our relationship to the test when hard times managed to hit like a hurricane.

Ever since Stuart joined the band, everything started out perfect. That was until some of the other nameless members began to get jealous of John's attention to Stu. I was proud my husband was improving his skills with the bass and even singing Love Me Tender to me almost every show with the neglect of the other members. He was really setting the bar high and making his friend proud. Paul seemed to dislike this the most. Uninviting Stu and I to gigs or house parties was only the beginning. When he began holding meetings without Stu, mixing the setlist around last minute and 'forgetting' to help with chords, Stuart began to feel unwanted. Even though John assured him everything was alright, I could sense the tension begin to stir drama. It began to be too much on Stu's part so he did the unthinkable. He quit the band. I had to admit, a part of me was devastated. But when I saw how much of a toll it was taking on his part, I knew it was for the best. And to be honest, it really was.

Not too long after, we took a holiday off and headed to London to take in the scene. Going to galleries with enough money for dinners, he became inspired with a collection of abstract works and settled it away until a week ago where he then set them up for bid.

As for me, I took double shifts at the diner to pay for rent and electricity. It became too much when I got a heavy fever and spent a week in the hospital. Dad and Sarah, with our objections, sent us a check every month with some earnings. It was only enough for food. But we agreed it was better to be fat poor people than starving poor people. Things became harder on us when Tiffany left for the states. She had to help her mom with the move and lucked out when she found an old flame of hers from highschool. This is also what added to Paul's frustration. I felt bad for him on this part.

John still stayed with us now and then but often spent time with Cymthia. This left Stu and I to fend for ourselves, almost losing the flat countless times. We sold furniture, records, clothes just to get by. This was Stu's first selling work in months and we were more than excited to be heading back to London where we began to be more familiar with.

I love Stuart for putting up with me lately. I've been blaming him for our loss of money and he's been feeling defeated from his constant pill taking and having a woman nag at him. I knew I owed him more than I gave.
....

Stuart and I walked out of the petstore happily holding our two new kittens. Minxy and Popkins. One white, one black.

It was freezing out, even more drafty in our apartment. The smell of cologne and paint thinner filled the air as we entered home sweet home.

"There you are. Your new home." I set the kittens down on John's mattress where they curled up to nap. I giggled and walked over to Stu. "This is the best gift ever."

"Your welcome love. You think we can set the fireplace on?"

I yawned. "It's jammed in the chimney."

"We'll get it to work then." He took his coat off and looked up into it. I sat on the rocking chair and watched as John entered, rubbing his hands together.

"What's goin on?"

"Your friend here is determined to get the fireplace working."

"It's shit mate. Not goin to work it's stuffed."

"Well it aint goin to unstuff itself now is it??"

John sighed. "Lets get to it then."

I giggled and stood up. "I'll make us some tea."

As the two men worked, I set the kettle on and put on a record. Elvis filling the room with positive energy while I lit a cigarette. John broke into a coughing fit while Stuart got his white shirt filthy with black coal. The kittens pouncing around while I handed John a brew.

"Aye what are these?" John took a sip and picked up the white Minxy.

"Stuart bought em for me. It's about time this place gets some more livelyhood." I smiled.

"Ello there. They're beautiful." He smiled. I watched as he petted them and talked to em playfully. Who would've known kittens were his weakness?

We turned as there was a loud crash and Stu coughed.

"It's bloody fixed!" Stu choked, full of ash and dust. John helped clean up while I smiled at the accomplishment.

"We'll need something to light."

"The papers." Stu pointed to the table. I grabbed the stack and balled some up, tossing em in. John gave the light and we all cheered as the room was filled with a golden glow and the warmth filled the air.

"Finally. I need a shower." Stu began undressing.
.....

John and I played with the kittens while waiting for Stu. Cracking jokes and drinking tea we both enjoyed the warmth.

"I'm sorry about things with the band. I mean...you know."

I sighed. "I know John. I just...it's really gotten him down. He felt unwanted and hurt by the others cruel behaviour he just couldn't take anymore. Besides, its really given us more time with one another."

He nodded. "You really love him."

"I do. He's opened me up into a different world i never knew existed. I never want to lose that."

He stayed silent and looked down. "Molly?"

"Yes?"

"Sometimes I can't help but to wonder..."

"Wonder what?"

"If you never met Stu. If I could've 'ad a chance with you."

I just looked at him. "John...don't do this now. Stuart and I are married. We love each other and want a life together. He's stable and true to me."

"A bit boring innit?"

"Maybe to you. We love it."

He smiled to himself. "No wonder he sings Love Me Tender to ye all the time. I never knew a song could be so true."

I smiled. "You have a good heart John. Show it more often."

"Make love to me." He whispered. I bit my lip and looked into his eyes.

In that moment Stuart came out of the bathroom, clean and cheerful.

"I was thinkin we get out the gin tucked away and 'ave us a drink by the fire yeah?"

I stood up and wrapped my arms around his shoulders. "Sounds like a plan."

I tip toed and kissed him softly. Our lips brushing as he held me closer. I opened my eyes and made contact with John. Sitting back and watching me with a jealous eye.
.......