I'm A Loser

Chapter 49.

After the gig, we decided to have some fresh air and sneak around back for some 'cigs'.

"So? Has it always been so perfect for you and Stu?" Meg took a drag.

I leaned against the brick wall and sighed. "At the beginning. But um, we hit a large bump in the road a few months ago and....just a week ago we got back together."

"What happened??"

I looked at her. "A few friends of ours....they put notions in his head about taking a break from me. I'm not what most would call a good girl." I rolled my eyes. "Anyways, long story short, I thought he was unfaithful to me so I did the same to him during our break. It wasn't until we got back together I found out he never went out on me."

"Oh no." She said with sympathy. I took a drag and shook my head.

"I just don't have the heart to tell him the truth. I slept with another guy and....I'm afraid he'd think differently of me."

"You two seem alright now."

"What should I do? Fuckin christ I must sound so uncaring and horrible." I groaned. She laughed a little and squeezed my arm.

"Nobody's perfect. Look, this may sound like terrible advice but to be quite frank, there's only one thing you can do."

"What's that?"

"Lie. Don't tell Stuart the truth unless you know for sure he'd understand. No use in ruining something that's already perfect. Besides, you two took a break yeah? It's understandable. You told me he's been through some medical issues. Just think what this can do to him health wise. You two are happy, you trust one another....why tear that apart?"

I took in her words and nodded. "You know....I'm glad we met cause, that's the best advice I've ever heard."

She smiled and brought me into a hug. I enjoyed her embrace and loving heart.

"Why couldn't you two live in England?" I sulked. She laughed and pulled back.

"Our place is always open to you two."

Stu and Tony walked over. "It's gettin late."

"Alright then. It was great meeting you two." I gave Meg one last hug and kissed her cheek. Tony nodded and said his goodbyes as well.

"You two mentioned you were going to Hamburg right?" Tony asked as we reached the hotel.

"Yeah."

"Look, we know this couple up there we met from a trip. They're quite the odds and ends but they're good people. If you need a place to stay and, rock and roll gets the best of you, you two can bunk with em." He gave Stu a small paper with a phone number. He looked it over and set it in his pocket.

"Alright thanks." We smiled, giving our last goodbyes.
....

Late that night, I shifted in my position as I slept soundly and opened my eyes to see Stuart on his back, just staring at the ceiling and thinking. He breathed calmly and turned to look at me as I watched.

"Hi." He whispered.

"Hello." I smiled sleepily. "You know um, most people sleep at this time of the day."

"Most people aren't me."

I stroked the side of his face and snuggled in his arms as he brought me closer.

"What's on your mind baby?"

He kissed the top of my head, making me smile.

"I was thinkin of everythin lately. What 'appened with John and Tiffany. The moments we lost together....what you must have been up to while I was off at a gig or tryin to keep up with Lennon. How cold everyone seems to us. Individually people take notice ye know? They don't fight or bother but when were together....people talk."

I listened as he spoke. Anger and frustration in his voice.

"I just wish our friends would more accepting. I've abandoned everything I love just to be in the band. I quit college, I quit art, I broke our love just to listen to Lennon."

I rubbed his arm and kissed his skin. "Shhh baby. I'm here now. I love you so much, we'll find a way to get back to it all. I'll be working in Hamburg, you'll be with the band. Just one year alright?"

"One year. Whether this band makes it or not....when we get back I'm tellin John just one year and I'm out."

I smiled. "There's my baby. Besides, who knows from then and now if I'll be expecting."

He chuckled and rested his hands over my stomach. "It's funny. Most blokes would cringe or not even give a child a second thought at this young. I 'ave to admit....the thought of 'avin a little us in the world makes me want it to 'appen even more."

I looked up at him and kissed his chin. "He's goin to have the best daddy in the world."

"He's goin to have two parents who are goin to love him no matter what." He squeezed me, making me laugh.
....

It was about seven in the morning when we landed back in England. The skies dark but no rain present. The air smelled like soil and fresh cut grass. We held hands and enjoyed the familiar street as we walked down to my home. I saw Sarah's car parked on the curb.

"You want to come in?" I asked.

"Do they know?"

I shook my head and pulled him along as I turned the locked knob. Before I could knock, Stu grabbed my hand.

"Wait Moll. I 'ave to admit, I'm nervous. I mean with all that's happened i'm sure your dad ain't too happy with me." He shrugged.

I kissed his cheek and stood beside him. "Dad will just have to accept the fact I still love you. I always have."

He smiled and leaned over, knocking three times.
.....

"The Village was great Sarah just like you said! We met this fun couple who showed us around." I gushed.

"I told you it was completely far out! Did you go to the gaslight??"

I gasped. "Yes! We saw this guy named Bob Dylan..."

"You got to see Dylan!?" She said in complete excitement. "Tell me how was he!?"

As I went on, poor Stuart sat awkwardly trying not to meet dad's eyes burning in anger as we sat at the dining table. His hand was sweaty as he squeezed mine tight under the table.

After I stopped babbling, A long awkward silence followed until dad spoke.

"Well it's good to know you 'ad a nice time. Lot's of girls in America yeah? Stuart find one to call up and break your heart again??" Dad crossed his arms.

"Dad." I said through my teeth.

Anna began crying upstairs and that was Sarah's advantage to leave the silence. I would've gone but I couldn't leave Stu down here to fend for himself.

"So, how long has this been going on?" Dad pointed at us. I shrugged.

"Almost two weeks now?" I looked at Stu. He nodded.

"I was the wrong one mister Winters. I know i've caused Molly a lot of grief..."

Dad laughed sarcastically. "Grief. Pain, depression, a fuckin recluse she became. If it weren't for that Harrison kid next door she'd probably be dead from an overdose or heartache. Did she tell you about her little accident that weekened after you two split??"

"Dad...."

"Don't start Molly. She was in a fuckin fit she knicked some fuckin pills from the clergy and the next mornin we found 'er on the bottom of the stairs with a bottle of gin and some pills scattered all around. We were fuckin distraught. Sarah had to leave Anna next door so we could look after Molly. She wouldn't talk, eat or fuckin cope. Grief my fuckin arse. You have no idea what she was goin through!" Dad stood up and left the room. We sat silently and Stu stood up, about to follow dad. I grabbed his hand.

"Stuart..don't. He was in the war. He'll kill you you know." I looked up. He gave a half smile and leaned down, kissing me.

"You're worth dying for."

And with that, he broke out of my grasp and continued on. I sat in silence, smiling to myself.
.........