Clandestine

fifty six

-julia-

I shake my head into my cell phone, "I'm sorry. I'm not going to be able to come. My mother is throwing a party and I have to attend. It starts in an hour and I'm going to have to help with the set up."

"That's fine. It was a crazy idea anyway."

"Is there something you wanted to talk about?"

"Actually, yes. Your mother planned a party for me on Wednesday. You think she is going to kill me at one of my own parties?"

I bite my lip. Is that something my mother would do? Surely that would increase the risk with so many possible witnesses. But my mother doesn't always do it the easy way, She does love a show.

But you wouldn't want a show for a murder.

I say, "I don't think so. That doesn't make a lot of sense to kill someone in front of that many people."

"Which was exactly what I was thinking."

I say, "I have to go. I'm sorry. We'll consider this after the party. Actually, let's plan to do it tomorrow morning. I doubt this party is going to end soon."

"What it for?"

"Who knows? I just know it's going to be long and political and long."

Carlotta and Rosalina probably won't be allowed to come. Without their giggles and gossip, I don't know if I can survive the night. I don't know the last time I had to go to one of these parties alone, but I don't want to try to remember it. The thought of attending one of these alone wants to make me cry

I'm going to give everything I can into convincing my mother to allow Rosalina and Carlotta to come to this party.

I find my mother downstairs, bossing the extra staff around. There are the linen tablecloths on the tables and the candles are half lit and the band hasn't arrived yet and my mother is more than stressed.

Hopefully, she is too stressed to hear my long argument and will just concede.

I find her and tap her lightly on the arm, "Mother?"

She glances over her shoulder and cries, "Julia, why aren't you dressed yet? This is a very formal event, do you understand? This is very important for my career." It seems as though everything is important for my mother's political career. I don't know how much anything matters any more. After all, my mother practically leads the Assembly. There isn't much further you can get up the political chain. She has peaked. Reached the best of the best. There is nothing else for her to do.

I say, "I was just wondering if Rosalina and Carlotta could come to the party."

"Why would they need to do that? Didn't I ban you from seeing them? Do you see how audacious your request is?"

"Yes, of course I know this. I just wanted to ask. I'm going to be offly bored at this party and I don't know who's going to talk to me. What if some politician speaks to me and I say something wrong? It's better to have someone at my side so that no one approaches me. I don't want to ruin your political career." I try to say this as earnestly as I can so that it doesn't come of as sassy.

My mother stares at me for a minute to try to measure my sincerity before saying, "Whatever. They can come. Just don't get into trouble. No drinking, no swearing, no naughty jokes. They must be the prime example of the greatness of this next generation. You make sure they understand that."

She rushes off before I can agree.

I hurry upstairs and call Rosalina and Carlotta with a grin on my face. They both accept my invitation with squeals and promise to be over right away. I get in my dress and they arrive within a few minutes.

I smile, "Have you been waiting outside my door for hours, just waiting until I invite you back over again?"

Rosalina giggles, "We were at a boutique downtown. We might have broken a few speed laws to get here, but we made it safely. There's nothing to worry about."

"Except that you don't have a dress."

Rosalina pulls out two long dresses from a shopping bag. "Luckily for you, Carlotta and I were at just the right botique for this."

They get dressed and chatter about their day that they spent together. I try not to feel jealous. It's not as though I expect them to put their lives on hold while I'm grounded and have no fun together. But it just feels strange to hear them talk about everything that they did and not able to laugh along to the inside jokes created that day.

I get over it as Carlotta and Rosalina argue about the importance of the right shade of lipgloss. Rosalina, of course, thinks that it is crucial to the person's entire outfit. She uses me as an example, smearing shade after shade on my lips. Carlotta argues that it doesn't' really make a difference and few people would notice, smearing the lipgloss off my lips. Rosalina reminds her that it is the few and important people that would notice the lip gloss and smears the gloss right back on my lips.

I'm too busy laughing and Rosalina and Carlotta begin to find it difficult to apply and take off the gloss because I won't hold still. Soon we are all collapsing in laughter and it's so incredibly great to have the both of them at my side again.

Rosalina and Carlotta finally decide that I am ready after they decide on a shade that the both of them agree on. I have twenty different glosses spread on my lips by now and I couldn't care less.

Rosalina, Carlotta, and I make a small entrance at the party. My mother makes me follow her around for a while as she introduces me to a bunch of important people in the political world. I make handshakes and bright smiles, but I keep thinking back to where Carlotta and Rosalina sit on the other side of the room, giggling with each other. I want to be over there, not talking to these people. Whenever I become a politician, I'm sure I will wish that I made a better impression on these people. I will have wished that I had spared a few minutes to talk to them about their careers and maybe my own career. But I just escape their company as quickly as my mother will allow me.

Finally my mother releases me and I hurry back to where Carlotta and Rosalina sit.

We giggle and gossip just like I planned. We steal sips of wine when we get the chance. After a while, most of the politicians are too drunk themselves to notice that we are tipsy. Normally, I stay sober while Rosalina and Carlotta drink themselves silly. But the stress of the last few days makes me yearn for the softening of corners and edges. So I sip and sip until the warmth hugs my stomach.

After the party is over, Rosalina and Carlotta stay the night. We all lie down on the floor of my bedroom after the staff brings us all the extra blankets and pillows in the house. We whisper for a while.

Carlotta asks, her voice thick, "I think you should just tell us. Tell us, Julia. Why have you been in so much trouble?"

I laugh for so much longer than I should, "My mother is just mad because she found out that I know that she killed that man. What's his name. I don't know. I talk to that man's daughter, Diane or something. My mother's scared that I'm going to tell people, so she's keeping me cooped up in the house. Isn't that silly?"

Rosalina and Carlotta agree that it is very silly indeed and we giggle and laugh and fall asleep in drunken piles. I'm too tipsy to realize that I just broke my precious loyalty to my mother.