Clandestine

forty three

-diane-

I glare at my phone sitting in my lap. How dare Julia call me? She didn't even have anything to say. She just wanted to waste some of my time.

I don't know if I can stand to talk to her anymore. Is her mother making her do this? Is this another game of Marcia Quintana? Maybe Julia likes to mess with people just as much as her mother. Maybe they are working together so that they rub my father's death in my face as much as possible.

I thought I actually had someone to trust for once in my life.

I shake my head and finish unpacking. I can't let Julia get to me. I have to move on. She can mess with me as much as she wants, I won't let her get inside my head.

Andrew knocks on my door after another half an hour. He says, "My son has returned home. He's got his girlfriend so you can meet both of them. For the amount of time that his girlfriend spends over her, she's practically part of the family."

I nod and follow him downstairs. A boy who seems to be a year or so older than me sits on the couch, tapping through his phone. Dark hair falls into his eyes. A girl sits beside him, her curly black hair falling on her dark shoulders. They both look up when we enter, twin smiles on their faces.

The boy leaps up from the couch and holds out hand that I hesitantly shake. "My name is Austin and this is Molly."

Molly shakes my hand too, "Lovely to meet you."

I nod and try not to feel overwhelmed. These are people my age but I have no idea how to talk to them. The only young people I meet are the wild ones who show up at my father's partes. They are either stuck-up, intoxicated, or, most of the time, both. I know that I'll never have to see those people again.

I've never been stuck with the paralyzing fear that if I say something wrong, I'll have to see them again and again and be reminded of my error. And they'll always think of me as the strange girl living in their house.

I say, "It was lovely to meet you, too." It's a beat too late and hangs awkwardly in the air, but Austin and Molly give me smiles again.

Kristy comes out of the kitchen and says, "I made us some cookies if everyone would like some dessert."

Molly and Austin hurry to the kitchen and I follow after Andrew.

They probably already think that I am weird. No use in trying to prove them wrong now.

Andrew doesn't say anything as we make our way to the kitchen. Does he think that I am weird too? I'm sure that Austin's opinion of me is very important. After all, I have no idea how Austin reacted to the news of having someone live in the house. What if he was completely against the idea? Did I just make everything worse? What if he can get me kicked out?

Kristy sets down a large platter of chocolate cookies and a jug of milk. She says to me, "I don't want you getting any ideas about my cooking habits. I don't do stuff like this every day so don't expect it."

My cheeks turn red, "Oh no, I would never expect anything like that."

Kristy says, "Oh, dear, I was just kidding. Don't worry about it. I might find time to make cookies sometime. I'm afraid I'm not the best cook."

Austin says, his cheeks full of cookies, "Yeah, maybe Diane should stay around. Fresh cookies and milk? I will take that any day."

He winks at me and I feel a small smile twitch at the corners of my cheeks.

Molly says, "Maybe I could make you some cookies."

They look at each other and burst out laughing. Austin manages to choke out a few words of a story about Molly burning cookies between giggles.

I hesitantly take a cookie and dip it into my milk. It melts in my mouth, making me suddenly miss the idea of my mother.

I don't' remember her, but would she have done this for me? Would she have been like Kristy? Did she ever make cookies? Could she cook?

Molly and Austin jabber on their side of the table as I quietly sit by myself. Maybe later I can force myself to try to join their conversation. Another day. Right now, I'm too exhausted to even think about conversation. It's been a long day.

After I finish the cookies, Molly and Austin go out into the living room area to watch the latest kid movie.

I sit in the kitchen with Andrew and Kristy for a few minutes longer. I eat another cookie, after Kristy encourages me. Then I quietly excuse myself back to my room. I pretend to unpack for a few minutes longer, even though I am mostly done.

I lie in bed. It's too early to go to bed, but I just want to rest for a little bit. I still want to research more about Julia on my computer.

It'll only be a few minutes. I tell myself this, but I quickly fall asleep.