The Casanova's Class Clown

Chap. 22: In Your Mind

IN YOUR MIND...

Her thoughts were travelling. Many times did it start from the beginning jump to the recent then skip back to the nearby past, and many times did she wish she could travel to any other point but now. Alas, it was no use, as much as she was masking herself, she could only take so much...

"Don't do that."

She snapped his head to his voice, and though his eyes were directed to the road, she could see the heavy concern in them, the familiar worry that fogged his irises like before, only tenfold now. She wished it didn't have to be this way, but even she had difficulty understanding it all, so she said nothing in retaliation, even though he knew her like the back of his hand.

"Emma, talk to me."

She bowed her head, hiding her expression.

"Emma, you know this doesn't work unless we talk to each other." His voice was strained, forced to sound controlled. "You have to tell me what's going on in your head right now."

He was right, she admitted to herself. And it really did seem unfair in their relationship that he would be the only one coming out to her and never her to him. But she never really felt it was her fault. Aside for that one time when she broke up with her first boyfriend, she never found a need to have him keep her emotionally stable. In a moirallegience, one had to be the fighter, and the other the pacifist. In their case, she was usually the latter, and through the course of their relationship, she had only failed once to keep him stable as far as she knew. During that time, she blamed herself for indirectly causing such an event to transpire, and though she never told anyone about it, not even Oliver, she really did feel like it was her fault back then.

But now? Now she didn't know who was at fault. Maybe it was her, maybe an uncontrollable aspect of interrelated events, maybe no one at all, but deep down, she sincerely wanted to blame someone, something for causing everything that was going on, or at least an excuse to vent out her anxiety on someone, on anyone. But definitely not Oliver, anyone but him.

"Is it me?"

Oliver gave her a side-glance at the whisper. He wasn't sure what he heard, but he was sure it wasn't directed at him.

At the corner of his eye, he watched her. Every movement, every slight of misplaced hair on her head, every passing shade of brown in her eyes of abundant sporadic emotions, mostly that of warm, hazy anxiety. It was hard keeping up staring at her and keeping eyes on the road, so he was thankful there wasn't much traffic that night. It was, after all, still a school night, and it wouldn't be that long from now when they reach the school.

Emma's head jerked up, catching half his attention, then darted behind them.

"Where's Aaron and Kat!?" Her voice squeaked with worry.

"Relax." He dismissed curtly, breathing out his initial shock. "They took another turn a few blocks back. It's for..." He tried to find a euphemism. "Protective reasons."

It wasn't the right euphemism. "Someone might be following us!?" Her voice cracked at the end.

He regretted saying anything, but since he can't take it back now, all he could do is sigh. Was there a point in keeping her in the dark now? She was bound to know later anyway, why not sooner? Would it really make much difference if she wasn't aware of all the cloak-and-dagger bull until she entered school premises? If there was anything he despised the most, t was keeping secrets from Emma of all people.

"Oliver, answer me." She was practically begging. "You want me to tell me what's on my mind? You tell me what in yours first."

Couldn't he just tell her what was in his heart and get everything over with that second? Nah, that'll never work. It wasn't really the right time for it, anyway.