Laylor in real life

Convention

{Taylor POV}

I can't believe I blew it. I messed up my chance with Laura and now Carrie is mad at me. Can't I just be happy? These past couple of days have been nothing but tears and anger. I can't do anything right. I'm just destined for loneliness. I guess I'm getting what I deserve. Karma sucks.

I saw Laura a couple days ago when she caught me in her drive way. Carrie, I saw on the same night, just left me in Laura's drive way. They probably both hate me; for coming into their lifes and screwing things up. I deserve this, not them. I wish none of this had ever happened. Meeting Carrie and having feelings for Laura at the same time, is just too much heart break.

Neither of them have talked to me since they last saw me. Now I'm sitting at my house, alone, watching the Notebook. It's only been a couple days since that incident happened. I just don't know what to do. Should I text them? Apologize? Should I stay hidden in my house? I need to at least say something to Laura; we have convention next week.

I pull out my phone and pull up Laura's icon. What am I gonna say? I re-write the same thing for hours. The words just can't form into sentences. This I giving me a headache now. I put my phone down and stop stressing about it. I need to clear my head and get some air. Maybe that'll help me think of something to say to Laura.

I slowly migrate to outside and the warm breeze felt nice on my pale skin. The air smelt like flowers. It was a beautiful day. A beautiful day. At least I have a beautiful day to look forward to. I expose my white stained shirt and navy blue sweatpants as I embrace the heat on my skin. I just stood there for a couple minutes with my eyes closed and my mind open. It feels good to break free. I feel like that house of mine is a chamber of hell and it's my punishment. Either way I deserve whatever I have coming to me.

I close my mind and take one last look out at the beautiful sunset. The way the orange rays mash with the yellow, to create a beautiful pink-red.

I head inside and jump back onto my black couch. It's kinda weird how colors change right in front of your eyes. Ha, it's kinda like life. Whatever. I pull my phone in front of my eyes and lay down. I fall asleep in this position untill I wake up the next morning.

I can't see at first considering my house is pitch black. I search all over for my phone. It's not on the couch with me so I duck my hand over onto the floor. After a minute of searching I found it half way under the couch, however that happened. I face the screen to see that I have 1 new message. As I pull it up a look of terror crosses my face.

Hey, I just wanted to say hi. I was actually hoping we could get together for lunch or something today? I really want to see you and talk. If it's okay, I'll be waiting at the coffee shop by my house at noon. hope to see ya there.
~Laura

Laura wanted to see me. I don't know if I'm ready to see her. Should I even text back? Should I say I'm sick? She would know I'm lying. Shit. This is the exact opposite of what I was expecting. I didn't think she would ever want to see me again. I am not ready for this. I leave the text where it was and do not respond to it. All I can do is stare at it. I am so tempted to delete it, but it's the only communication Laura and I have had in a while.

Staring at it is not helping me think. I stop thinking and just delete the text and ignored it completely. I know the guilt is going to consume me but the shame of seeing her in person would be even worse. I'm sorry Laura but I just can't.

The day passes slowly and the rest of the week does the same. This mental torture is getting to me. I'm losing my sanity.

Finally the week closes and it's a fresh start. Monday morning and I can get out of the house to get ready for convention. I go see my friend Harry and he styles me up for the red carpet. For some reason I felt good today. I hope I still feel this way in front of Laura, I need the confidence, especially after I blew her off.

I am leaving for convention and I'm excited to see all the fans today. I took a cab throught the city and arrived at the expo around 3. The thing started at 4 but we always have to be early. I was the second one there next to Tash. Soon after, Uzo came and all the rest of the cast. Everyone was there at 3:46. Before we actually got settled we have to walk the carpet.

We all shuffled onto the carpet and posed for some photos. Laura wasn't next to me. Its like she didn't even notice I was there. Anyways, I was at one end and Laura was at the other. The rest of the cast was in between us. I tried to stay happy and smile but I felt so alone at that moment. This was the first time Laura wasn't next to me on the carpet. I lived through it. We finally made our way into the room and the enlightenment of the crowd helped make me smile.

We all had a wide option list for where to sit. I sat on the far right and was the first to sit down. I don't know why but there was hope that Laura would sit next to me, even if we aren't talking. It's tradition. She is always sitting next to me. The huge cast in front of me blocked my view of Laura so I kept struggling to see where she was. When my view came back and everyone took their seats I saw Laura was sitting on the other end of me. The cast was between us and that was unsettling. I got even more depressed knowing she wasn't next to me.

The lights came up so my smile turned on. We answered questions and talked about the show. Lots of thi gs were going on all at once, I couldn't keep up. My mind kept drifting onto Laura. I would even find myself occasionally looking at her. She was like 13 heads down so it was hard to see her but I would always find a way. She never looked back at me. Not even when I was speaking. Her eyes never met my skin. She had no interest in me whatsoever.

When the questions finally stopped and it was time for the party, I bolted out of my seat faster than I thought was possible. The cast was following slowly behind me. I was almost out the door when a fan stopped me to sign some photos. I didn't want Laura to catch up with me so I sighned them quickly and started for the door once again. Before I could even take a step, Laura caught me. She placed her hand on my left shoulder and I spun around. She was still on the stage so I was looking up at her.

"Hey" her dominant voice struck me like lightening.

I was frozen in my feet. I could not move and I felt numb. I wanted to faint in my shoes right then and there. Her hand was still on me. The last time we touched was before she left for New Jersey. Damn, her skin felt great on mine. She is so perfect.

Still, unable to speak, I manage to make a sound,
"Hi" I mumbled towards her

"Can we talk?" Was all she said

"I can't right now" was all I said before I turned around and bolted out the door.

I panicked. I know I should've talked to her but I couldn't. I know its also immature but I don't care, I needed to get out of there as quick as possible. I left the expo and got a cab in the city. My mind was racing. I could still feel Laura on my shoulder, and how good it felt.

The cab ride home was a blurr because I wasn't thinking straight. I needed to get home as soon as possible. When I did I got changed and immediately started drinking. One glass of wine after another. I was delusional and lost. I wanted to escape it all.

Right as I was about to pass out from exhaustion and a headache, someone knocked on my door. Shit, I hope it isn't Laura, but I kinda do. I need the comfort right now. But I need comfort over Laura. But I am with Carrie. And Laura would just make this worse. Ugh. I stumble over to the door and open it slowly. The person in front of me almost knocks me down. Carrie.

"Shit"