Exchanging Feelings (Phan)

22. KILL ME

I couldn’t be on skype for a long time because the 3G on my phone wouldn’t last. Dan and I kept texting though, and I was glad I had done that to get the phone, it was totally worth it. It was around 10pm on Monday, when my mum arrived. My dad wasn’t there yet.

“Son!” she smiled and hugged me. I hugged her back, and I decided I’d be nice to her, because I didn’t want to hate her as well. “What happened between you and your father? I can’t believe he made you come back”

She left my bedroom, but I followed her.

“We… had a fight. I’m so mad at him, mum, please talk to him and try to send me back to London? Please. I beg you.” I sat down on her bed and she entered the bathroom, closing the door.

“You know I can’t do anything, dear… Your father never listens to me” she said from the bathroom.

“Just try…” I insisted.

“But I don’t even know the reason why this all happened, how could I discuss it with your dad? Tell me what happened and I’ll think about it.”

“It was a silly fight… Just try talking to him, please. I finally made friends in London, I was so happy, I don’t want to be here, mum” I mewled.

She came back in the room, wearing her pajamas.

“I’ll try. I can’t promise you anything though. Nothing changes your father’s mind, not even me, and I’m his wife.” She lay in her bed. “Now, go to your bedroom, I need to sleep”

I stood up and walked to the door, but she called me again.

“Phil, come here” she said. I went back to her bed and she sat down. She held my hands and closed her eyes. “Let’s pray, alright?”

“Mum, I can’t pray” I said, letting go of her hand.

“Yes, you can, and you should. Just repeat after me, ok?”

I held her hands again because I needed to be friends with her… some day it would be worth it.

“Our Father, who art in heaven, hallowed be Thy Name” she paused. I repeated. Her eyes were closed but mine weren’t. “Thy Kingdom come. Thy Will be done, on earth as it is in Heaven.” I repeated. “Give us this day our daily bread. And forgive us our trespasses,” I rolled my eyes and repeated. “as we forgive those who trespass against us. And lead us not into temptation… but deliver us from evil. Amen.”

“Amen” I said.

“Now you’re fine” she smiled. “Good night, son” she lay down again and I left her bedroom, closing the door behind me. Funny, isn’t it? My mother didn’t bother to ask anything about the months I’d spent in another country, but she wanted me to pray.

~~

6AM. Tuesday. Second day back in my old school.

I dragged myself out of bed, put on my tight jeans and a jumper. It was weird, wearing normal clothes to go to school again. I missed my school uniform, I missed my school in London, I missed waking up and getting ready for school with Dan.

“Bye, Sofia”I said as I was opening the front door. My dad was having breakfast, but I ignored his presence.

“Son, come eat before you leave.” He ordered.

“I’m not hungry.”

“Come eat now. Sofia said you barely touched your food yesterday.”

“I’ll be late for school”

“You won’t, it’s only 6:30. Come eat now.”

I closed the door and walked back in the kitchen. I sat down in front of him and Sofia placed some toasts and juice in front of me.