Exchanging Feelings (Phan)

8. It's the only way I can escape.

I woke up as I heard Dan talking. I took a second to realize he was actually sleeptalking, probably having a nightmare because he was scared, and more like moaning in fear - words like 'no', 'leave it', and 'stop'.

I shook his body in an attempt to wake him up but it just made everything worse. He started to speak louder and I panicked.

"Dan! Wake up! Wake up!" I spoke.

"Wake him up!" he said

I shook his body again. "It's a dream Dan, wake up, wake up"

For my relief he opened his eyes and gasped.

"Calm down, I'm here" I said

"Phil, phil" he mewled, then hugged me. He was in panic.

"Relax... relax... everything is fine"

He started crying and sobbing on my shoulder and only stopped 5 minutes later.

"I need to use the toilet, wait here" he said when he finally calmed down. He stood up and left his bedroom running.

2 or 3 minutes later, he still hadn't come back, so I knocked at the bathroom door.

"Dan? Is everything ok?" I asked.

"Yeah I'm just not feeling good but don't worry... It's something in my intestine if you know what I mean" he said

"Are you telling the truth?" I asked calmly.

"Yeah I'd open the door but I wouldn't want you watching me taking a shit, just go back to bed I'm fine"

"Okay then" I said, but I wasn't buying it. His voice was shaking, like he was making a big effort to speak.

I walked in the hallway as I waited, extremely worried. I couldn't just open the door to check if he was fine - everyone needs privacy sometimes, right?

Another 5 minutes passed and Dan was still there.

"Dan? I'm worried" I said. He didn't respond.

"Dan? Dan?" I insisted. "Say something Dan I'm worried."

"DAN?" I tried one more time. Silence.

I tried opening the door but it was locked. "Open the door Dan please, I'm worried please please please" I tried not to scream because my host parents would hear it.

"I'm okay Phil don't worry" he said. I knew he wasn't. I remembered that my bedroom key also had another mysterious key with it, that I had never really tried using. I ran to get it, hoping it was the bathroom key. It was. I burst the door open because at that point I was pretty sure Dan wasn't "using the toilet".

Dan was on the ground, shirtless. He had cut more on his chest and belly, closer to his waist, and his arms had 15 new cuts each. He was extremely pale and there was a little plastic bag with pills next to him.

"Jesus Christ, Dan!" I ran to him after closing the door behind me (so Mr. and Mrs. Howell wouldn't wake up)

"Phil, no, just leave me alone, I deserve this" he cried. I took the razor from his hands - that were covered in blood, not really caring if I'd get myself dirty with it.

"hell no, I'm not leaving you" I said. "How many pills did you take?" I asked in panic.

"Some" he moaned.

He was weak and almost passing out.

As he was sitting next to the toilet I forced his body, positioning his head over it.

"You have to throw up Dan" I said.

He first tried to get rid of me but I was stronger, then he supported his weight over me.