Disarray. Harry Styles

eleven✨

I wake up surrounded by darkness. The only sources of light being a dim glow from the window. It takes me a minute to get my bearings. I'm in Kristen's bed.

I can feel the presence of another on my left. I don't need to see their face to know its Kristen. I can tell from her gentle breaths and her sweet scent.

I place a soft kiss on her forehead before I pull the blankets up over her. I scout out from her bed and pad my way over to the ladder. I take one last look at her before I descend them.

When I first saw her, she was elegant and peaceful. She still is but, once she got in my head she became a hurricane. She tore all the walls down that I'd worked so hard to build up. She made my brain a disheveled mess.

The thing is that I don't want her to be another fraction in my complicated equation. I want her to be the answer. But sometimes to get the answer, you have to simplify your equation. And right now, there's no way my equation; my life is going to get any simpler. And it's not fair to have the right answer to an equation you haven't put the work into solving.

I'm still standing at the ladder watching her when I notice how hard I'm biting lip. It hurts but not as bad as the pain caused by all the anxiety and stress I'm facing.

I go downstairs into the kitchen. The empty containers from our Chinese take out our on the table. I pick them up and throw them in the trash. I get a glass and fill it with water. It's cold as it goes down my throat.

Most people choose to drink when they're stressed but I don't. To stimulate the mind to remove all sense of worry, pain, frustration... it seems like cheating to me. I think it's sad if the only way you can get through your problems is with a buzz.

I also don't like how drinking is associated with despair and enjoyment. You can drink your sorrows away but you can also fucking drink to get "turned up." No. Maybe that seems okay in your head but it sure doesn't in mine.

I spend a couple hours just sitting and starring out the window. I don't know what time it was when I got up but I got up early enough to see the sunrise. They're really underrated you know? It's like we treasure our goodbyes more than our hellos.

I don't notice her presence until she's sitting right beside me. She doesn't say anything so I don't either. We just sit in silence. It's the nice kind of silence though.

* * *

Despite the beautiful sunny awakening the city had, it was a rainy day. The rain seemed quite suiting comparing today is the day that Louis gets out of the hospital. I wish it were still sunny. He would have liked that. I on the other hand, kind of enjoy the drizzle the clouds were giving us.

"Ready?" Kristen walks up behind me and wraps her arms around my torso. Her touch makes the tension in my muscles evaporate.

"He can stay here. With us. I wouldn't want to leave him alone."

"Thank you, thank you a lot Kris." I rub my thumb over her hand.

She grabs my hand and pulls me to the door.

*   *   *

We don't even say a word. We just walk up to each.

I was careful to be gentle. I didn't want to cause him anymore pain but, even with our loose embrace, it felt so strong.

I nearly lost him and it was all my fault.  The guilt eats away at me like a moth eats soiled linens, not entirely but enough to make it unusable.

Now that I think about it, that's what Reid's doing to me. He's killing me but not by inflicting pain upon me but by allowing me run myself ragged.

"I think the only thing that been good about Reid coming back was that the stuff he stabbed me with have me the most trippy hallucination ever."

I laugh. I laugh for real. It feels like forever since I've done that. The action was becoming foreign before but now it comes naturally.

"You'll have to tell me all about this trippy dream of yours." I chuckle.

"Damn right I will! So it started even before I passed out I think....."

We listen to Louis's hallucination for an hour just sitting in the waiting room. It feels weird to be having such an average conversation right now.

I have so many questions to ask Louis but all I want to do is talk nonsense and think about nothing important. I want to have no worries, stresses or concerns. Unfortunately, I don't have that pleasure.

I'm ignoring the problem. Ignoring the problem is working for now but we all know that soon enough I'll have to face it. And it will be worse than ever.

"You're probably dying for none hospital food Louis, why don't we go get some lunch or something?" Kristen suggests.

"I'm glad you noticed that I look like a scrawny seventeen year old due to malnutrition, let's go!!"

But right now, I don't really care.

________________________

author's note

Well hey there, long time no see. I started school two weeks ago and that sucks but it's not the only thing that's getting me down.If I'm honest this story has kind of been discouraging me. It's been my dream to be a writer for a long time but I never liked to share my work because it was something so personal and special to me. Now that I've decided to share this one I just feel as though no one's really interested. I know that I am in no way, shape, or form a real writer but I did have high hopes for this story.

I'm going to continue to write no matter what, I just need to get back into this story. Thank you to everyone that's been supporting me, I promise I will do my best to update more often and make this story the best I possibly can.

Now on a more positive note, I have some news! After five years of waiting I finally got to see One Direction in concert!! I went on September fifth with my beautiful best friends when they came to Montreal. I can honestly say it was the best night of my life!

On a side note, how do you think their new album is gonna turn out? I think it's gonna be really edgy and have the same kind of vibe as "Drag Me Down."

Don't forget to vote, comment & share.

xx Allyson