Comforter

Fuck 'em

The silence lasted an eternity and it was beyond uncomfortable. I was scared to breathe while he was sitting next to me, worried it might encourage him to speak.
Surprisingly it was me who spoke first, "are you gonna go then? Or do I have to go to the hotel to be alone..."

"If you want me to leave then I will," He spoke softly, "however, I'd like to stay and talk about this."

"What is there to talk about? You said it wouldn't work." I was glad it was dark because my lip quivered towards the end.

"You could have told me before-"

"You could have at least given me a chance to explain" I gulped, fighting back tears.

"I know. I don't know what to say, Tré."

"You said you loved me. How can you just be fine with it all of a sudden?"

"You think I'm fine?" He snapped and faced me in the dark.

I felt tears brimming my eyes and tried to speak but the words wouldn't come out. His posture softened and he sighed. "Awh Tré." He put his arm around me and I buried my face in his shoulder. Finally the sobs started to wrack my body and I was crying, letting everything out. It felt great, but at the same time it was hopeless. I loved Billie... I didn't know what I was going to do if I had to face Sara without him...

"Tré, I didn't mean it... I thought you weren't bothered, I thought you weren't gonna let it work."

"Then why would you say that?" I sniffed, starting to get more angry than upset.

"I was pissed off! What would you have done? I just wanted an easy way out... I didn't want to have to go home and try and carry on with two relationships. I thought it was better just to carry on how I was than to try and sneak around with you while trying to be with my family. I'm sorry, I want to be with you more than anything."

Words couldn't describe the feeling of relief I felt and I cried heavier than I already was. Billie hugged me tight and tried to calm me down.

"Let's go back to the hotel." He got up and pulled me to my feet.

We went to his room and he was quick to push me onto the bed. To start with I was amused and excited, eager to have Billie again, but my stomach lurched when I realised he was taking my shirt off. By the time it had registered that I didn't want him seeing my arms it was too late, "wait, I-" he had already slipped my top off.

At first he didn't notice anything wrong, but the shame on my face made him frown and look down at the cuts made from various sharp objects I had found in the hotel room. He studied them quietly, his eyebrows pulled together with concern. He didn't look angry, which was a relief, but there was something unreadable about his expression which worried me.
"What is this?" He asked quietly.

I sighed, "I didn't want you to see..."

"Why would you do this to yourself?"

"I... just don't worry, you wouldn't understand..."

He looked me in the eye then, his expression changing from worry to anger. "You think I wouldn't understand? I spent years of my childhood doing this to myself, Tré."

"Then what's the big deal?"

"Because I know what it's like. I know how it feels and I know how hard it is to stop."

"It's fine, I haven't done it in a few nights."

"You shouldn't have been doing it at all." He scolded and my head drooped.
"But knowing how low you have to be to do that... makes me feel horrible... I'm so sorry I made you do this." He took my arm and turned it around, examining every inch of my skin.

"It's okay. It was my own fault... I shouldn't have done it."

He leaned over and touched my lips with his. "I really am sorry. I don't know what I'd do without you. I'm gonna tell Adrienne as soon as I get back home. It's gonna be hard but hey... you managed it. How was Sara when you told her?"

I felt my heart sink at the mention of her name and shrugged, "I haven't spoken to her since the day we fell out."

"Ah shit..." he scratched the back of his neck. "I didn't mean for all this to happen you know..."

"I know" I smiled, "but I'm glad it did."

"So... we're gonna do this? Like, properly? No secret couple shit, but like a real, committed relationship?"

"Yeah... I mean, if you're up for it?"

He grinned, "oh yeah, I'm definitely 'up for it'..."

I rolled my eyes at him and smiled. "We'll be alright... won't we?"

"Yeah, of course we will. It's all down to us. If anyone has a problem with how we want to live our life, then fuck 'em. We can do what we want."

A broad smile stretched across my face. He was serious... he actually meant it... we were a couple... wow, I needed time to let that sink in...

He kissed me on the cheek, "come on, then. I've heard make-up sex is the best."

I chuckled, "you'd better be ready, I'm gonna make you work hard this time..."

We both laughed and he hugged me tight. "I'm so glad we're okay. I hated telling you all that bull shit... I'm sorry."

"It's alright, we're together now and that's all that matters."

We spent the rest of the day together and... well all the days after that. There was a lot of people who disagreed with our decision, but hey, who were they to tell us what to do? It was our life and we were happy.
So fuck 'em.