Comforter

Too Much

It had been two weeks since I had fallen out with Billie and Sara and the last time I had spoken to them. I had tried to call my wife more times than I could remember but there was never an answer. As for Billie, he avoided me at all costs and, to be honest I was staying away too. It was difficult for me to see him knowing that he had shut me down just like that and I had only just stopped cutting myself at night. I still hadn't cried, which I was a little concerned about, but at least I was sort of on the road to recovery...

...That was, until, I got a call from Mike telling me we needed to have band practice. Since I had spoken to Billie we had been keeping our distance so much that we had completely laid off practice. Luckily we only had one more gig next week and we're getting a flight home a few days after. I reluctantly agreed to meeting in the studio that afternoon and shuffled into the room to join the other men. I was the last to arrive and had the joy of the awkward silence greeting me, along with the uncomfortable stares of my band mates.

"Alright guys?" I nodded in their direction and put on my best fake smile. The smile was returned by Jason and Mike, however Billie didn't even look up from his guitar.

"Are we gonna play or what?" He said flatly.

No one really said anything else after that, just to comment on the music or input to the set list. Needless to say the two hours in the small room went by slowly and painfully, and by the time we had finished I was in a hurry to get out and be able to breathe again.

Before I could get to the door I was stopped by Mike. He asked me what was going on with me and Billie and I shrugged. "I guess it just died out."

"But you told Sara you were with him... she's told people what you said, you know, and I assumed that-"

"Well don't 'assume' anything, it's my life, just stop trying to interfere." I snapped and my friend raised his hands.

"Hey, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to pry. I was just trying to understand-"

"you don't need to understand."

Pretty much as soon as Mike had left, Jason was next to me and prodding at the subject of my relationship as well. I'd had enough... I just wanted to be left alone... why wouldn't they just leave me to sort things out myself?
"So did you love him?" Jason questioned, ignoring my sighed of frustration and attempts to cut the conversation short.

"I..." a lump rose in my throat. "I don't know." I croaked. I needed to get away. NOW.
"Excuse me." I managed to force a whisper and slipped past him. I didn't know where I was going, I just had to be alone for a while. I found a small closet and stepped in, quickly shutting the door behind me and dropping to the floor. I felt sick.

After a brief moment of waiting for something to happen, the tears began to fall. I didn't do anything, just sat there, looking at the wall and letting the beads trickle down my cheeks.
Usually I would try and stop or at least hide my dampening face, but I didn't care anymore. I was happy to finally feel something. There was a click of the door handle and before I could react Billie's silhouette was in the doorway.
"Tré?"

"What." I rubbed at my cheeks with my sleeves (Luckily I was wearing long ones to cover the slices in my arms) and looked at the floor.

"Are you okay?"

I looked up at him, "what do you think?" My voice cracked a little and I returned my gaze to the floor.

He sighed and settled himself next to me. "I thought you didn't care."

"Of course I fucking care!" I snapped, a tear dropping from my eye with the sudden change of expression.

"Well you didn't seem like-"

"I fucking told Sara about us! I was ready to give everything up for you, and then you reject me!"

He blinked at me, "you... you told Sara?" I didn't say anything-I was too angry to reply. "Tré, I didn't realise... I wanted to be with you, I just-"

"-yeah, well you'll 'get over it'!"

He stopped talking and we both sat in silence.