Misguided Ghosts (a Severus Snape love story)

Chapter 20: A very selfish need

CHAPTER 20

Ester's POV

"You died, Ester. And I came back to stop it from happening."

Upon hearing those words, I froze on the spot, a terrible lurching feeling churning about in the pit of my stomach. I opened my mouth to speak, but no words came out. What? No. No, that couldn't be right. Snape was playing a joke on me, right? He had to be. No. No, no, no.

"Did you hear me? You died, Ester." Snape repeated.

"Yes." I whispered, my voice coming out hoarse. "J-just give me a minute."

"Are you alright? I--"

"Just give me a minute!" I snapped, cutting him off in irritation.

Then I shut my eyes tight, trying to compose myself before I completely lost it. But it didn't work. I was getting really angry all of the sudden. Why would he do something as dangerous as this? Why would Snape want to save me when he wants nothing to do with me? God dammit, I was sick of his games.

So I punched him in the arm. Hard. He stumbled back in shock, his eyes wide as he rubbed his arm.

"What was that for?" He demanded.

"You're a fucking idiot, you know that?!" I shouted, my hands balling into fists at my sides. "You think I like being toyed with like this? What is your problem? First you dump me over a letter, then you try and save me?!"

Snape bit his lower lip and looked away, avoiding my cold stare. "I'm not toying with you."

"Yes," I growled. "You are! And another thing as well. Do you know how dangerous that was back there?! You could have gotten Harry KILLED. You put Neville in danger by leaving him here! You could have gotten YOURSELF killed. Do you have any idea at all how selfish that was?"

"I know..." Snape said dully, sounding as if he didn't even care.

I sighed loudly in annoyance. "That promise you made about not risking your life for me still applies, you know. So don't you dare think otherwise."

"I can't keep that promise anymore." He said, his voice hollow now.

"And why not." I demanded, more of a statement than a question.

He bit his lower lip again, finally mustering up the courage to meet eyes with me again. "Because I died inside without you."

I rolled my eyes in disgust. "That's a dead lie. We both know I was just your play thing."

"That isn't true." Snape claimed.

"Oh yeah?" I spat, venom brimming in my tone. "Then prove it."

He sighed loudly in exasperation, rubbing the bridge of his nose. "The dark lord had his eye on you since the first day you came to Hogwarts, Ester. You and I together only made you a bigger target. So I did the safest thing and ended the relationship."

I frowned. I knew he wasn't lying, but didn't want to believe him. I was still just so angry at him. It was hard to keep my voice calm and level as I next spoke. "...I guess I get it, but I still think it was wrong of you to not tell me in person."

He nodded, biting his lower lip again hard. "I know. I just-just didn't want to see you hurt."

"I could have handled it." I excused, my face going slightly redder than it's usual shade.

"Is it too late to ask for your forgiveness?" He asked, almost sounding desperate.

Crossing my arms stubbornly over my chest, I pursed my lips in disapproval. "Maybe. It depends."