Mixing Business with Pleasure (Editing)

27 - Forgiven

For the support and sincere moments

A/N Oh no, why can't I see Chapter 26? Please scroll down or go read the bottom of Chapter 25 to find out how you can read it. I didn't get the numbers wrong my people lol.

Candice Pov

Is Samuel forgiven?
Yes, my heart answered first.
No, my mind answered second.

I know they say you should follow your mind, but then they also say you should go with your first instinct, so well known sayings can't really answer my question. I wanted to say yes, because I've fallen for him but I'm scared because it's too quick. His intentions seem honourable. He knows how to talk the talk, and physically - he's more than my type. I know if my mom met him, it's the type of guy she'd be happy to see me with. She would probably have planned out wedding all out. And that's the thing, he's already been married, and walked down the isle. I can see why that didn't work out, but I've always wanted for my marriage to be special. It'd be both of out first times - making a commitment - and he's done it all before. I feel sorry for the situation he is in, because he thought he had the one but that does make me question if he's sure, about us. I mean it seems like he's really sure but is he really? There's an undoubtable connection but not only are we rushing through it, it's so soon after he found out about his wife.

Very shortly after he has began to deal with it - if he's dealt with it. He's been trying to avoid the situation for a while now. It's weird that a part of me wants to help him through it, I want to tell him 'it will all be okay' and I really want him to have moved on fully emotionally. His eyes watering proved to me that he was really and truly hurt. He tried to block it out for so long, but he needs to deal with it head on. His feelings for me seem genuine but I think he needs to deal with that first, and I think that's what I need to tell him - though whatever it is we have doesn't have to necessarily stop permanently - I think we need a break. I don't know how long for, but to let him sort out his situation. Let his wife and him at least get divorced - despite them being separated I don't feel fully comfortable with this - sleeping with a married man. It also doesn't help that he's my boss. Realistically, I can't keep being a secret if we are going to be serious. Sometimes I'm unsure if we are meant to be serious, though Samuel implies it, he's never directly said it - but he did say that he would sort it out when I mentioned what people would think. But how? Why is he also so ambiguous? Why is he so smooth that I lose my mind, and forget to probe him. Why is this situation so complicated and complex, and it hasn't even really begun. I had to sit down and wonder if I was ready to be a step-mother if it is his. Though I know that's getting way way ahead of myself, it's something I have to think about because if I don't years down the line, or even months down the line I'll be stuck in a worse position. Loving someone who has to take on that father role. I know through the fact he's had people watching Simone that he would play and active role - and so he should but do I want to be involved in all that. I'd want the first child I have to be with the person I'm going to be with and for it to be their first too. Plus, baby mother drama - No thank you. She already seems like the chaotic type. That's that shit I don't want.

So due to me being unsure of his intent, I plan to ask him outright and suggest a break until he's fully over his situation. This is a lot for me, and we already have to see each other at work, though he offered other placements - I like my work place and wages, for now I don't think me leaving is necessary. Don't lie, you just don't want to not see Samuel again. I pushed my inner voice to the back of my mind as I got ready for work. If you look good, you feel good - and that's what I had in mind as I spruced myself up. I've been told royal blue really complements my dark skin tone - so I popped on one of my body con professional looking dresses, opting for my feel good purple lipstick to match, paired with black shoes and blazer. My hair didn't want to co-operate today but eventually my hair was slicked back into the bun I always wear to work - not one strand out of place. Thankfully the edge control sorted out my edges too, so everything was all good.