Mixing Business with Pleasure (Editing)

24 - Change

Chapter 24
Simone Pov

'You think you're special because you got one man to love you huh? That you're on some type of higher level because you've changed. Simone, you all about the money just like me, so don't be acting all brand new because Samuel was dumb enough to marry you. Don't be acting, like money isn't all you care about. Shit, that's the whole reason you left London in the first place. You're lucky as fuck to have a family. Shit, that's the reason why most of us get into this life. What the fuck is your excuse Simone? But you're changed though, you're here fighting for a man. What about your baby, and it's family?'

What about the baby, and it's family?

"The same people that don't know you exist," I spoke aloud to my unborn child, "that's all my fault" I continued bitterly, "my fault, that's my fault"

I tried not to think of my family. When I left, I was fuelled by the thought of escaping and more money because I thought I needed things, mainly clothes - I've always wanted the designer labels. I was always the kid who has shit clothes on non-shcool uniform days. People were rocking Nike, Adidas and I was sporting Reebok. I was wearing my cousins old clothes, whilst people went shopping for a whole outfit. I wanted more than that, and my parents couldn't give it to me. Dad was sick, but he was always a grumpy bastard. He claimed job seekers allowance because of an accident he had a while back, when he used to work on the train tracks. He used to always complain about his bad back, but what he moaned about the most was my mum and I. He used to say he wished I was never born, cos all I did was cause him stress - which of course wasn't good for his 'bloody back'. Though I was the one who went to the corner shop for him when he wanted snacks. The controlling prick always had to point out all my flaws, and anything he thought I did wrong. His loud shouting would alert the neighbours, when he barked at me. Maybe because I left my shoes in the wrong place, or I didn't pack the dishes away after I washed them or maybe just fucking maybe I tried to dress up in my mums shoes to look nice and he called me 'fucking ridiculous'. It's funny how his back never hurt when he slapped me, when he thought I got out of hand.

My mum didn't really help, unless you count when she tried to warn me of his mood or when she made me a cup of tea and her special victoria sponge cake to make me feel better. Her advances didn't work. She was just too quiet, and always did nothing. to stop dad. He would call her every insult under the sun and she would just take it. He would pick on me and she'd would just watch. I was sick of being called the neighbourhood sket, just because I looked to boys for attention. I craved complements because I never really been told good things about myself before, except from mum, but back then I didn't care about her opinion - because her opinion wasn't worth shit. I used to ask her for advice, or for some kind of change so I could go out without looking chavy and she would always say something shit like 'don't worry, I'm sure your friends won't mind what you're wearing' or 'any boy would love you'. What the fuck did she know? Shit, what friends did I have. They were all snakes, that stabbed me in the back whenever they had the chance. The same ones that laughed in the playground, at my 'talking shoes' because the bottom of the soles flapped. And any boy wouldn't love me, any boy would fuck me and use me - I had to find that out the hard way, because to them all I was, was another 'lightie' due to me being mixed race.

Though it was through one of them wastemen that I got into the scene. As far as I was concerned, I needed to change so that I could fit in, but not even just that - so I could show all those girls that I was way better than them. So that was the beginning of me using my body for money. The men I worked for provided everything, and I got to stunt on anybody that ever hated. All the guys that were chatting shit before were trying to get with me, but I ignored them. I stayed focused on the money. for once I was looking good, which made me feel good. Until I got home. Even though I did my best to sneak in and out of the house, I felt the wrath when I got caught. Dad used his shouting to police me, but he didn't touch me no more because I swore to God that I'd hit him back. I think he saw I meant it, from the look in my eyes. Mum even had the cheek to tell me not to speak to my father like that. They both complained about how much I changed, even mum who was mute for most of my life. It's funny though, because when they when struggling with the bills and I gave them money, they still took it. I figured they would, because money makes the world go around. It makes my world go around. It made everything in my life change for the better, so when I got the opportunity to get more I grabbed it. Everything could only get better, plus nobody could talk shit about how I thought I was all brand new, because they wouldn't know the old me.