thoughts

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It's not my fault when I'm literally doing everything I can and it's still not good enough for you
I miss the way we used to be
I'm starting to think you changed and you haven't been that person for a long time
I guess it's true that people change and sometimes you just have to choose you instead of trying to fix them
You're not the same person anymore
I need to accept that

I don't want you to give up
I don't want you to tell me I was right all along
And by the way, I think it's kind of insulting that you think I'll be sad and alone like this is the only chance I have
And I'm not like that anymore
I refuse to be
I know I'm a fucking mess
And I'm pathetic
You're not thinking that now but I know you did at some point
But I'm only 16
I think it's allowed

How is it possible to feel this old and young at the same time?
And like you're always running out of time
I wish I could be six years old again and forget everything I know
My heart hurts for her
I wish I could go back and protect her from everything
I wonder if I could ever have kids knowing what they could go through
I think it would kill me to see that

Why would you throw away your dream?
Maybe it wasn't your dream anyway
Maybe it was deeper than that
Who cares anyway
Why am I so angry
I don't even know who I'm angry at
The whole world maybe
I refuse to cry about this anymore.

Michaela's journal #2Where stories live. Discover now