12 am thoughts

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Is life even real.
I feel like I'm trapped in a novel or a movie, only I can't tell if the story is a comedy, romance, or tragedy, or a cruel mix of the three.
One thing after another.
How does this stuff even happen?
Someone's definitely up there, pulling the strings.
I wish they'd give us a break for just one day.
How could Dad do that?
Tell her we were back together
Why can't he just mind his own business
He likes her better, I know. I've accepted that already, but it still makes me angry.
Fall in love with someone else?
I don't think I could.
Eleanor is just everything.
I think the more I tell myself I can't have her the more I realize she's all I want.
It hurts.
Gods, it hurts.
Everything inside me just hurts and I want to get it out somehow, carve away my skin until that's all there is and then maybe I'll feel like my pain is justified.
I understand how Livi feels.
Because it's how I felt when they were together.
The difference between us is that if I were her I wouldn't keep trying because I love Eleanor too much to allow myself to hurt her like that.
And I'm not selfish enough to not allow anyone else to be happy.
Livi thinks I want her to die.
I don't.
No matter how much I hate her
Or how much she hurts me or Eleanor or Will
She's still my sister.
Six years ago I made a promise to protect them.
I failed with Austin.
But it's not too late for Livi quite yet.
Austin.
I miss him.
I hope he's happy, wherever he is.
I hope he forgives me.
I wonder what things would be like if he was still here.
I'm tired.
Why are they in danger?
Who is she?
I'm so scared.

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