I thought these urges would start to go away but they still haven't. Actually, have they gotten worse? More frequent? I remember Will saying something about that, but this is different. This is more than just dreams. They're scaring me, to be honest. What if one day I give into them and seriously I hurt myself? Or Eleanor? I would never forgive myself. Thank gods winter is pretty much over. I don't know why but everything just feels better in the spring. I forgot where I was going with that. I can't remember the last time I got a good night's sleep. At least a month. At this point I think I'd prefer the nightmares over the intrusive thoughts. At least I know those aren't real.
