Black Hole | Marauders Fanfiction

Second Year: Christmas 1973

Regulus

The Black family's house was never bright. Regulus lay on his bed staring up at the ceiling, half in boredom, half in fear. But what did he have to fear? His parents thought he was their pride and joy, but Regulus knew the only reason they didn't look at him as more than a mistake was because Sirius left.

A knot in his chest formed at the thought of Sirius. Their house, which was far too large for 4 people, just felt emptier and colder after he left. Sirius had been the only warmth in the house for Regulus. The longer he was in the house alone, the more the ache of his brother's absence carved deeper into his soul, leaving behind a chasm too vast to bridge.

Regulus knew it was going to happen sooner or later; Sirius was always braver than him, but he just never expected it to come so soon. Their childhood had been marred by the suffocating grasp of an abusive household and parents that didn't care about them, and Sirius had been Regulus's only anchor.

Regulus looked out his window, trying to stop tears that were threatening to spill as he was met with the sight of a tree. It was the tree that him and Sirius would climb when things got too much in the house. Regulus could almost hear the laughter that the two shared up there and his heart fell deeper.

"Regulus," a sharp voice called from his doorway. He blinked his tears away and spun around to face his mother.

"Yes mother?" he asked, sitting up straight.

"It's Christmas. We need you ready for the party. And you need to be on your best behavior. Everyone will be there," Walburga Black's told him, voice was as cold as the room that Regulus was in.

"Okay mother," Regulus muttered.

"And remember: toujours pur."

"Toujours pur," Regulus echoed out of habit. A sliver of a smile made its way into his mother's face.

"Good boy."

Regulus's heart shifted at the comment. Why shouldn't he be proud of that? He lived his whole life in the shadow of Sirius, and he was finally getting the attention he deserved. Sirius, dramatic, loud, troublemaking Sirius, had stole the spotlight from Regulus for the first 11 years of his life, and Regulus finally made his way back in. But yet, it felt as though he was betraying Sirius.

He left you. He left you in this wretched household alone. He betrayed you first. He's a coward, a voice in his mind told him.

He shook his head, not sure whether to believe the voice or not, and made his way to his bathroom, which Regulus thought was far too extravagant to enjoy showers. As much as he hated to admit it, he missed Hogwarts. He took his clothes off and stared at himself in the mirror.

It wasn't quite a sight to look at. His body was too skinny for a 12 year old boy; bones sticking out and stick like arms. Regulus traced over scars littered on his body, old and new, that were given to him by his parents. There were far too many to count, and Regulus found his mind wandering to Sirius. If Regulus had these many, how many did Sirius have? Sirius was the one who took the beatings, took the punishments for the both of them. Sirius was stronger than Regulus would ever be.

Regulus turned the water to the hottest temperature he could before stepping in. For him, the searing embrace of the water was the only way to numb everything he felt inside. With each passing moment, the intensity of the heat just felt hotter and hotter, and his pale skin was turning red. In his haze of steam and self loathing, Regulus found temporary sanctuary underneath the weight of the pain he was feeling. 

He hissed as the water got hotter, but didn't dare step out. The second he was out of immediate physical pain, he was in mental pain. The only way to shut his mind off is by not being able to think, and the only way to not think about the things that hurt him most is to occupy his mind with something stronger than it. Regulus couldn't just think about happy memories like everyone said to do. The only happy memories he had was the ones he made with Sirius, and they just served as a painful reminder of what he lost the second his cowardice got the better of him and he chose his parents over his brother.