👵Gran Review👵 (Temporarily Closed)

#R12 Lion Guard : Princes Revenge

👵》Cover / Title
I don't know about the cover, it says Lion Guard so I am expecting a story about Lions but the cover is Storm Troopers? I don't know. Title is okay but that cover is irrelevant to the title and story so you might want to change it.

👵》Blurb/Story Description
A blurb is a brief overview of the story used to grab reader's attention and information about the characters, their circumstance and role in the story. You mention Kopa, Kiara and Kion but don't tell anything about them or the situation they are in, only that Savage Kion is strong? I have no idea what to expect from this blurb.

👵》World
There is a lot to say here because there is no setting of the scenes at all? I am basically just reading dialogues between characters and nothing else. So yeah, definitely should set the setting for the scenes that the characters are in for example the Watering hole.

Kiara walks towards a pond nestled amidst towering trees, the leaves on their branches creating a canopy that blocks out the blue sky above and filters sunlight into dappled patterns on the ground. "Wow, so you can just talk to the elders whenever you want?" Kiara asks before stopping by the water surface, shimmering with gentle ripples from a passing breeze as weeping willows and cattails wave with the wind.

Something like that.

👵》Plot & Conflict
I won't touch plot and conflict yet because I think there is a lot of work to be done before I get to this one.

👵》Characters
Much like the world, the characters lack descriptions and personality, there is really no sense of characters since there is only dialogues in this story. So you should introduce the characters and their appearances, showcasing their personality through their actions / reactions / body languages. For example;

["Yeah, it's kinda fun." Kion answers with a condescending smile, his dark blue eyes staring intently at Kiara. "I guess that's one more thing I got on you." He raises a paw into the air, tone proud and belittling.

"But you're not stronger than me." Kiara shooed him away with a wave of a paw and a nonchalant face.

"Is that a challenge?" A smile tugs at the corner of Kiara's lips,sensing a hint of anger in his tone, he had always been insecure of his lack of strength.]

Something like this.

👵》Enjoyment/Engagement
Work on the things I mentioned and maybe I could enjoy the story, good luck!