👵Gran Review👵 (Temporarily Closed)

#R 33 Dear Mocha

👵》Cover / Title
Cover and title go together, and align with the story as well. But the thing with emphasizing on one character is that she has to be really good / interesting. Otherwise, people wouldn't read it...I personally drop books because I don't like the Main character. 😂 The cover is beautiful though.

👵》Blurb/Story Description
The blurb establishes the character and her circumstance, the reason for it and also what she is going to go through but it does feel generic / obscure, I think you could try to make it more interesting. Maybe establishing the stakes clearly would help.

👵》World
You did try to set the scene and create a visual backdrop but I think you need to be more descriptive, because it feels a little too empty at the moment. What does her room look like? The kitchen? The house? I think in each scene it would be nice to have a background instead of just the characters what they interact with hehe.

👵》Plot & Conflict
I would rather if the story starts immediately with the plot, because I feel the story doesn't start soon enough or maybe it's just the writing style that makes it feel that way. Yeah, I think you need to fix the writing style for better reading flow. I almost quit reading purely because of the writing style alone.

👵》Characters
I like that the characters are alive, you describe their movements well enough that I can animate them in my head though I think it would be nice to have more descriptions of the characters. I have no idea what the characters looks like.

👵》Enjoyment/Engagement
Personally, I feel that, the writing style could use some work. It feels like, I have to pause every few words, because there are too many commas. It disrupts reading flow. I also think, it would be more immersive, if you show rather than tell. Work on show don't tell. But definitely, the writing style, it is the biggest issue.

I think the story has potential though, just the writing style that really puts me off it. How does it feel reading the paragraph above? It is an exaggeration but yeah, need to reframe how you tell the story because I think it would help tremendously. 😀