👵Gran Review👵 (Temporarily Closed)

R#14 Destined Strangers

👵》Cover / Title
The title and cover is nice, and I think it aligns with the plot of the story as well so not much to add here. It's good already.

👵》Blurb/Story Description
The blurb reveals the content of the story rather than tell what the story is about, and it doesn't give enough information on the characters, plot or the main conflict. It just says that two people meet and fall in love before meeting again later? What is the premise of the story? What conflict can I expect?

👵》World
I think the story could use more visual backdrop, and to focus more on showing instead of telling. Instead of "The night sky looked exquisite" you could instead show it by describing why it looks exquisite, does it have a lot of stars in it? Is it the moon or moonlight? Describe it.

Even the train scene could use visuals, for example. The train's seats are set in pairs as they are lined along both sides of the aisle facing each other, and I walk across to find my seat, the bright lights of the overhead lighting filtering through my dark shades as I scan the overhead storage to check the seating numbers engraved on them. I place a hand over my nose as I pass a couple of guys with cigarettes in their hands, smokes puffing out of their mouths as they speak, staining the air with the awful smell of tobacco.

Something like that, I am not very good at it as well but practice makes perfect! Use your imagination or real life train interior as references.

👵》Plot & Conflict
Considering it is a love story, the tension would be in their interactions so I will take their banter about physics and chemistry as conflict. In my opinion, it is not a very strong conflict, perhaps it would be better to make it more personal? Maybe she has an aversion to cute guys because of past experiences and in her prejudice treats him coldly when he starts up a conversation.

👵》Characters
The characters could use descriptions as well, though I am aware that you use images as a stand in but then I am judging it based on writing not images. You could always use the character in the images as reference and describe their features accordingly! It doesn't hurt to try.

You describe their body languages and facial expressions during the interactions which is good, but maybe try adding emotions and senses to the characters. Instead of "Grumpily I turned around" you can write "With a disgruntled sigh I turned around, the muscles in my jaw tight as I clench my teeth, taking in a deep breath to calm my irritation. The ceiling fan creaks as it rotates, showing the lack of maintenance commonly found in an Indian transport system. I cover my ears with my hands to muffle the noise.

👵》Enjoyment/Engagement 

Reading the story I can already feel the lack of visuals early on so definitely work on setting the scenes, there is nothing to imagine as there is a lot of telling instead of showing, so I definitely would recommend to focus on show don't tell to make it more engaging. And I think the conflict between the two characters could be better, arguing over physics and chemistry is not that strong IMO.