👵Gran Review👵 (Temporarily Closed)

R#1 Love At Dawn

👵》Cover
The cover is beautiful but I think it would be better if it has a Dawn vibe since it's called Love At Dawn, the cover has this nature vibe to it, which is okay too since Edith likes nature. Or is that a portrayal of a scene in the later part of the story?

👵》Title
I think it's a nice title, better if somewhere in the story there is actually a scene of them being together and in love during dawn. I wish that that's how they started their friendship, that they woke up early to paint as the sun begins to rise.

👵》Blurb/Story Description
The blurb is nice, but personally for me, knowing the ending from the get go is a turn off. What is the main conflict of the story? Is it choosing between love or revolution? It is not clearly stated but that is what I picked up from the blurb.

👵》Plot & Conflict
I pick it up as a love story, and the conflict doesn't really feel strong. I didn't get the feeling that there is something moving against the characters early on, except for Edith's reluctance to meet him. There needs to be a stronger obstacle, some kind of tension.

And yes, the story is interesting but it does feel a bit slow, it didn't really hook from the beginning. But it is still well-done, would it be better to start the story with her meeting Andre again? So readers can focus on her emotions and feelings early on? And end it with a hook that makes readers go, why did she react that way? What's the history between them?

Just an idea. It's already good though!

👵》Characters
The characters are described well, my only complaint would be that their backstories are told rather than experienced. The exposition that we have of Edith is through telling, that I think would be better as a scene. You could create a scene of her playing with the local kids and show them playing tricks on her, and how she feels about it.

And instead of telling readers that she is optimistic, you could try using introspection instead. For example, Instead of "Edith's lip drooped in disappointment at first, but her natural optimism soon brought a proud glow back to her cheeks."

You can write instead. "Edith's lip drooped in disappointment. She had always wanted to go to the outskirts, but it doesn't matter, helping find a beautiful scene for him to paint is what is important. And she knew Rouen like the back of her hand! "Let me show you around, I am sure I can find a perfect place." A proud glow on her cheek. There are other ways but this is what came to my head.

👵》World
The world is okay, I can get a sense of it but there are moments where you just dismiss describing certain places, I am not too big on overly descriptive writing but maybe the story would be more immersive with it? I personally don't like descriptions bogging a story too much but just a thought. Instead of saying it is a shabby low-rise building, you can describe the building instead. What does a shabby building look like? Worn out paint? Having algaes on its roof? Creaking door when it opens? Does it have a bad smell because of poor hygiene? Dusty? Anything!

👵》Enjoyment
I do enjoy the story, and I love the connection of past and future, how the world changed, and the people's perception of the rich. (The "Angel" bit). Personally, I think it is written well already. :)