👵Gran Review👵 (Temporarily Closed)

#R27 Why Not Us

👵》Cover / Title
The cover is nice though having a crown as the only image makes me feel that it would be the core of the story, meaning everything the character does revolves around his status as the crown prince, expecting conflicts between his personal desires and what the title of crown prince demands definitely.

The title doesn't seem to go well with the cover though.

👵》Blurb/Story Description
The first part of the blurb is unnecessary imo considering the first chapter contains the same thing, from the blurb I get that it is a forbidden love story though I think you need stronger hook / stakes, disaster strikes doesn't really give much. And maybe adding stakes to the blurb would be great as well.

👵》World
I think you could set the scene more, as it is. I can barely imagine what the world looks like unless of course you intended to make the character have a lack of spatial awareness. I think your world is a little too empty at the moment. Definitely should describe the visual backdrop of the characters more so readers could be immersed into the world that the character is in! Even a simple description would do... for example.

He knocks on the tall door of the meeting room before it opens, revealing his mother sitting at the end of a long table draped in red linen, faint sunlight piercing through the glass windows behind her as the sun is setting on the horizon. The chairs are made only of dark wood with golden accents, though when she sits on it, it is as if the chair itself turns into a throne.

He clears his throat, inhaling deeply to calm his nerves, taking in the scent of flowers from the floral arrangements around the room as he walks across the black and white chequered floor. His mother loves flowers, and she made sure every room in the palace has them. The air is thick with tension and a sense of awkwardness lingers in the air as he takes his seat next to his mother. What does mother want? And why is everyone looking at me like that?

👵》Plot & Conflict
It introduces the character's situation early on, it does jump straight into Bailey and Tanner relationship though I think the starting scenes are uneventful , definitely need a more powerful start to catch reader's attention. And definitely need to add stakes early on to make conflicts more powerful.

👵》Characters
The story could use more character descriptions, and body language or facial expression and their interactions to show their personality more, you could even use character introspection to show how the MC perceives them. Definitely need to make the characters feel more alive. An example of adding descriptions to interactions would be...

"Bailey." She stares with bright blue eyes, blonde hair styled in intricate updo with braids as a golden tiara adorns her forehead, a thin strap with diamonds that add to her regal appearance. "It's time for the Galas to commence." His brows furrowed in confusion, scanning at everyone sitting on the table, they were discussing his marriage. Forced marriage. He takes a deep breath, bowing his head low, and hands fidgeting as he keeps his eyes on the table to which his mother lets out a sigh.

"What if I don't want a wife yet?" A slight raise escapes his tone, her thin lips frown as her expression hardens. "I just want to live a normal life..." He keeps his voice low, careful not to anger her with his little protest, even if he was king it does not seem that he would have more authority in his own life. She is authority itself.

👵》Enjoyment/Engagement
I think you need to practise "Show don't tell" more because it really does feel like I am just being told what is going on rather than living the story through the character's eyes, more world building and character descriptions would be good as well. Cutting down or framing the story to be more "efficient" would help the pacing too in my opinion, definitely could mesh a few things into one direction. For example...

Bailey turns to his left as he walks through the corridor, staring at the family's portrait from seven years ago as he stops in his tracks, everyone was smiling in the portrait but his smile was forced, a fake smile. "Crown prince." The staff calls, "Best not keep your mother waiting."

He resumes his walk, eyes catching a purple hoodie approaching from the other end, it is a curly haired boy with skin like coffee...bowing his head low with a smile. He smiles back, head turning to look at the boy that had passed them, he had never seen him before. And for some reason, he could not stop smiling on his way to the meeting room as the boy plagued his thoughts.

But that's just my opinion, you move the characters through different locations in such a short span of time that you might as well just use one location. Save you adding unnecessary throwaway lines of him moving from place to place. Good luck!