"No, please don't hurt me."
"Meat, must eat meat."
Aren't you a vegetarian?
"Don't care."
Yes you do. All those animals dying, just to satisfy a craving. You hate it.
"Yes, but she's not a animal! Humans don't count, do they?"
I hear human meat tastes like pork. Pork is from a pig. Pigs are animals. I think it counts and secretly, you do too.
"But...but...but I'm hungry."
"I have some money. I can give you some. Here, here's some money. You can..."
"Yuck! That's not meat."
"You was supposed to buy food with it, not eat it."
"Buy food? Why would I need to buy food? You are my food!"
Cough, vegetarian, cough.
"I can't be your food."
"Why not?"
Vegetarian!
"You're talking to me."
"And?"
"And, didn't your mother ever teach you not to eat talking food?"
"Uh, no."
"Well it's a little known fact. You can't eat food that talks."
"Really? Since when?"
"Since, uh, always, I guess."
"Oh."
"Yeah, I guess you can't eat me now."
"Really? It took me long enough to catch you. Now you're telling me I have to go catch another human?"
"Yes, you must. You can't possibly eat me now."
"But...but...meat? Ugh, this is not my day. Fine. I'll go catch another human."
"Bye."
Meat, where can I find meat?"
How about that cabbage patch over there? Don't they look scrumptious?
"Meat looks scrumptious."
Vegetarian!
"Listen brain, I can kill two birds with one stone, you know. I could eat you. That way, I'll shut you up and satisfy my cravings all in one go."
Without me, you'll die. No seriously, you'll literally die.
"News flash, I'm a zombie. I'm already dead!"
The 'living' dead. Without me, you'll only be the dead part. No more living. Just plain old dead.
"I see meat."
No! You can't eat that man.
"Why not? He won't notice. He's too busy throwing rope in the water and pulling it back out."
Sometimes, I wonder how I can possibly be a part of you. He's fishing, you idiot. You can't eat him. You're a vege... You know what, I'm bored of telling you. Stuff it, go eat him. I never did like cabbage anyway. It made you fart.
"Meat! Meat!"
Just try not to talk to this one.
YOU ARE READING
Funny Short Stories
HumorHave you ever wondered what happens to that odd sock which seems to disappear in the wash? What would a monsters helpline sound like? How would you cope with a idiot for a brother? What if alarm clocks could talk? What would you do if one day, yo...
