"Hello, this is the monsters denial helpline, how may I help you?"
"Uh, there's been a mistake."
"Well, what helpline was you looking for?"
"I don't mean with the helpline. I mean... They said I was a monster. I can assure you I'm not."
"Sir, you're confusing me. Who said you're a monster?"
"The woman who bit my neck and the woman on that other helpline. I was wondering... No, no, no! Stop wondering that, you idiot."
"Excuse me?"
"Oh, I was just talking to myself. Blood, I have this weird fascination with blood. Why? I don't even like blood. Just the sight of blood, Makes me woozy. She told me to watch some movies. Worst hour and blah minutes of my life. Blood, why am I so interested in blood?"
"Well, from what you just said and from my own observations, I'd say you're a vampire. Which, explains your fascination with blood."
"No."
"Yes."
"I can't be a vampire. I told that other woman this. I don't like blood."
"Really?"
"Yes, rea...uh, I've got to go. Blood, I need to... Where can I find blood?"
"You could go to the bloody restaurant."
"What restaurant?"
"I just said, the bloody restaurant."
"What bloody restaurant?"
"Ugh, that's the name of the restaurant!"
"Oh, fine, I'll go there. Blood, must have blood."
"Bye now."
****************
"Hello, this is the monsters denial helpline, how may I help you?"
"I want to smile."
"Uh, okay. So, why don't you?"
"The other woman said I can't."
"And why did she say that?"
"Because I'm the Grim Reaper."
"Well, it does say in the monsters rule book, all Grim Reapers must be grim."
"Where's the fun in that? Listen, I've got to collect my ex-bosses soul. He was a moron and you're telling me I can't smile?"
"That would be correct, sir."
"Ugh, this is so not fair. I hate this job."
"Bye now."
*******************
"Hello, this is the monsters denial helpline, how may I help you?"
"I want to be a witch!"
"And, what are you now?"
"I'm a broomstick."
"So, technically, you're not really a monster?"
"No, I'm a broomstick. Do you know what it's like to have a smelly butt sit on you all day?"
"Uh, no."
"Well I do. She never takes the hint. Seriously, I throw her into trees, in the water and I even turn her upside down. Do you know what she did?"
"Well, I'm not a psychic, so no, I don't know what she did."
"She called the ghost bouncers! Can you believe that? She thinks I'm haunted!"
"But again, you're not a monster. Bye now."
****************
"Hello, this is the monsters denial helpline, how may I help you?"
"Brains!"
"Ugh, another wrong number. I wish you zombies would memorise the number for zombies delight! Bye now."
YOU ARE READING
Funny Short Stories
HumorHave you ever wondered what happens to that odd sock which seems to disappear in the wash? What would a monsters helpline sound like? How would you cope with a idiot for a brother? What if alarm clocks could talk? What would you do if one day, yo...
