"I know your secret."
"You do? Shit, I...uh...it was an accident! I swear, I never meant to kill her, honest."
"What? Who the heck is this? Crap, I dialled the wrong number. Wait, you killed someone?"
"Ha, ha, ha, April fools!"
"Uh, it's gone April fools day."
"Would you look at that, so it has. Damn, I must have slept right through it. Well, I must go. The people of this town aren't gonna ki...ck themselves."
"You know, your voice sounds very familiar. Do I know you? Oh, are you my psychiatrist?"
"Uh, no!"
"My personal trainer?"
"Do I look like a personal trainer to you?"
"I don't know. I can't see you, duh. Oh I know, I know, you're my dentist?"
"Oh I know, I know, no!"
"My dietician?"
"Stop trying to guess who I am, you don't know me."
"I must know you from somewhere. Your number was in my call history."
"I can't see how? Damn it! You're that crazy woman I called the other day."
"I'm not. Well, okay, maybe I am a little."
"You are a little what?"
"Duh, crazy!"
"Right. Well, why don't you just delete this number from your phone and we can forget this whole conversation happened, yes?"
"What conversation? Oh wait, I think I know who you are. You're my psychiatrist, right?"
"You have a very short attention span."
"My husband says that all the time."
"Right. I must go now, bye."
"Wait, you haven't told me who you killed."
"It was a joke. April fools! Never killed anyone in my life. It's a bad habit. Very bad habit. Filthy habit, in fact."
"So, you haven't killed anyone?"
"Not one person."
"Thank goodness for that. You know, you had me worried for a minute there. Why, just the other day, I made my next door neighbour the best apple pie. When I took it round to her, I found her dead. Someone killed her."
"Oh no, that must have been a awful thing to see."
"Too right, it was. I'm in the middle of tracking that Killer down, right now."
"Any, uh, luck with that?"
"With what?"
"Hunting the killer down!"
"No, why? Do you know who it was?"
"Not a clue! If I may ask, why are you hunting down the killer?"
"Duh, so I can kill them!"
"Because you were close to your neighbour?"
"No! That dipstick, the one who killed her, ruined everything!"
"Ruined everything?"
"What are you, a parrot? Yes, ruined everything. I put poison in the apple pie. I was meant to kill her."
"Often tell people you don't know, how you're going to kill someone, do you?"
"It's alright. Nobody liked her anyway. You know, even her own husband was plotting to kill her. Wait just one damn second!"
"Uh, what?"
"I bet it was him."
"You know, I was just thinking the exact same thing."
"Really? Are you like, psychic or something? Can you read minds?"
"You know what, it's been lovely talking to you again, but I must dash."
"Again? Have we talked before?"
"I, uh, no, never! Bye. Note to self, never answer the phone to an unknown caller."
ESTÁ A LER
Funny Short Stories
HumorHave you ever wondered what happens to that odd sock which seems to disappear in the wash? What would a monsters helpline sound like? How would you cope with a idiot for a brother? What if alarm clocks could talk? What would you do if one day, yo...
