"Hello, this is the monsters helpline. Please state what monster you are after the beep. Beep."
"Uh, well, I uh..."
"I don't have all day."
"Right. Well see, there's been a mistake."
"Sir, I need to know which monster I'm dealing with."
"That's just it, I'm not a... Well, I am, but I shouldn't be."
"I'm gonna hang up, it's the denial helpline you need."
"No! Please, don't do that. I'm a vampire, but there's been a mistake. I can't be a vampire."
"And why can't you be a vampire?"
"Well, I, uh, I have a fear."
"Of vampires?"
"Not quite. I have a fear of blood."
"That sucks."
"Is there any reversal potions?"
"Nope."
"What about a witch, who can turn me into another monster? I could be a Cyclops or even a mummy."
"Sorry sir, once you've been bitten, there's no going back."
"Oh, come on! There must be something you can do."
"I could suggest some movies? It might help you overcome your fears."
"Yes, please! I'll give anything a go. If they don't work, I could always call you again."
"Please don't. Okay, I'm gonna send you a list of movies. What's the email address you were assigned when you became a monster?"
"Garlics my best friend."
Garlics my best friend? Not anymore, it's not. Okay, what's next?"
"At monstrosity dot boo."
"Okay so, Garlics my best friend at monstrosity dot boo?"
"That would be correct."
"Right. I've just sent you the list. Have a good night sir. I hope they help. Bye now."
**************
"Hello, this is the monsters helpline. Please state what monster you are after the beep. Beep."
"I'm a witch."
"And what's the problem?"
"My broom."
"If you need your broom repaired, you need to call the broom mechanics."
"It's not broke, as such."
"What is it then?"
"I think it's haunted."
"Wait, what? You think your broom is haunted?"
"Either that, or it has a mind of it's own. My broom crashed me into a tree earlier and yesterday, it made me land in water. I'm lucky to be alive!"
"Ma'am, water melting witches is just a urban legend. Now, are you sure it's because your broom is haunted? Could it be, you're just clumsy?"
"No, it's definitely the broom."
"Well, I'll forward your call to the ghost bouncers, they're who you need. Bye now."
***********
"Hello, this is the monsters helpline. Please state what monster you are after the beep. Beep."
"Urgh."
"Sir, what monster are you?"
"Urgh."
"What's the problem?"
"Brains!"
"I'm forwarding your call to the zombies delight restaurant. Bye now."
**************
"Hello, this is the monsters helpline. Please state what monster you are after the beep. Beep."
"Hi, it's me again."
"I do recall telling you not to call me again."
"I was just wondering, do these vampires in the movies, actually exist?"
"No, sir. They're just actors and actresses."
"Thank goodness for that. You had me worried then."
"They're much worse in real life. Bye now."
***************
"Hello, this is the monsters helpline. Please state what monster you are after the beep. Beep."
"The Grim Reaper."
"And what's the problem?"
"I just have a quick question."
"Fire away."
"Do I have to be grim all the time?"
"It's in the name. Otherwise, you'd be called Happy Reaper or Angry Reaper."
"Couldn't I smile when I collect a soul I hate, at least?"
"Sorry, the monsters rule book states, all Reapers must be grim. Bye now."
********************
"Hello, this is the monsters helpline. Please state what monster you are after the beep. Beep."
"Well, I don't think I need to watch anymore movies. I'm cured."
"Really?"
"No, I just can't take anymore. If anything, it's made my fear worse. All that blood, it's enough to give me nightmares for life."
"Thank your lucky stars you're not a woman."
"That reminds me of another question I have. Do female vampires make tea with their tampons?"
"Bye now!"
*********************
"Hello, this is the monsters helpline. Please state what monster you are after the beep. Beep."
"Werewolf."
"Mindy? Is that you? Why are you calling me when you're only in the next cubicle?"
"Just ask me what my problem is."
"And what's the problem?"
"Idiotic monsters."
ESTÁ A LER
Funny Short Stories
HumorHave you ever wondered what happens to that odd sock which seems to disappear in the wash? What would a monsters helpline sound like? How would you cope with a idiot for a brother? What if alarm clocks could talk? What would you do if one day, yo...
