"Hello? Who's this?"
"Your worst nightmare."
"Really? You don't sound like my mother-in-law."
"That's because I'm not."
"So how can you be my worst nightmare?"
"Listen lady, I just am!"
"What's with the funny voice?"
"It's not a funny voice. It's a scary one."
"Really?"
"Yes, really. Someone's going to die tonight."
"Yes, I suppose you're right. It's a big world we're living in. I think quite a few people will die tonight."
"You're missing the point. You are going to die tonight."
"Really? And how would you know that? You're not psychic, are you?"
"Yes. I predict a man will enter your house. He..."
"Well duh, of course a man will enter my house. I am married."
"Shut up and let me finish! He'll have a sharp knife in his hand. Do you know what he'll do with that knife?"
"He's going to peel these potatoes, that's what he's doing with that knife."
"Uh, no. He's going to slice something with it."
"Yeah, it's called these potatoes, once he's peeled them."
"No, it's called your throat."
My husband's not going to slice my throat. You're not a good psychic."
"Huh? Listen lady, we're not talking about your husband!"
"We're not? Oh, then who are we talking about?"
"Me! I am going to enter your house and I'm going to kill you."
"How exactly are you going to kill me?"
"Uh, I literally just said how."
"You did?
"I'm going to enter your house. I will take my sharp knife, put it to your throat and slice."
"So you're gonna enter my house?"
"Yes."
"You have a sharp knife, which you intend on slicing my throat with?"
"Give the woman a medal!"
"What woman?"
"I was being sarcastic."
"About killing me?"
"No! About the medal."
"What medal?"
"Just forget it."
"Forget what, the medal or the knife?"
"Geez woman, I wish you'd listen to me."
"My husband says that all the time."
"You better hide, I'm coming in."
"Hide? You've got to be kidding! This food won't cook itself."
"You won't be needing it."
"Why? Aw, does Jimmy have something nice planned for me? I bet it's that new Italian restaurant."
"What? No! Don't you ever listen?"
"Of course I listen. I've been listening to you rambling on for the last ten minutes. I better get ready for that restaurant."
"There is no restaurant! I'm about to kill you."
"You're about to kill me? And how are you going to do that exactly?"
"You know what, I think I'll go kill the woman next door. I might get more sense out of her."
"Okay, bye. I thought he'd never go. Ah yes, I better get ready for this new restaurant."
YOU ARE READING
Funny Short Stories
HumorHave you ever wondered what happens to that odd sock which seems to disappear in the wash? What would a monsters helpline sound like? How would you cope with a idiot for a brother? What if alarm clocks could talk? What would you do if one day, yo...
