Never Beside You × 5SOS

Sleepwalking - Chp. 17

In the last chapter...

A tear starts rolling down my cheek and before it can multiply, I softly kiss her forehead.

"Goodbye, Jade. I love you."

And with that, I leave the room, but not without looking at her one last time. A few hours later, we were on our way back to Sydney.

¤
Time stood still the way it did before
It's like I'm sleepwalking
Fell into another hole again
It's like I'm sleepwalking

I'm at the edge of the world
Where do I go from here? Do I disappear?
Edge of the world
Should I sink or swim? Or simply disappear?
Your eyes are swallowing me
Mirrors start to whisper, shadows start to sing
My skin's smothering me
Help me find a way to breathe
¤

[eight days later]

Jade

"Ms. Peterson? You are zoning out again."

I am not zoning out. I just feel so far away from everything that's happening. This is not my time - I don't know anyone anymore. So why should I pay attention?

I'm years behind in my memory. They told me that I hit my head really hard, that I had a trauma. And now... we have to figure out how far behind I am.

Caroline is the only person who has constantly been on my side the past years, so she has to come to these kind of sessions as well.

They call them "recreation sessions" and I really don't know how this is supposed to help me. I mean, having someone ask me about my life and not being able to answer - it's just draining.

Caroline has told me what I've been doing these past years. Apparently, when I moved in with her family, I started recording videos and put them on a platform called YouTube. That's pretty much it, besides that I had a teacher come to the house instead of going to school.

When I turned 18, we moved to Cologne and somehow Caroline must have managed to make me attend a concert with her. She wanted to see her favorite band 5 Seconds Of Summer, so we did. And somehow we got to know the band and she's dating the bassist now. Which seems pretty... unbelievable, but Caroline always tells the truth.

She told me all of this, but it isn't ringing any bells.

"I really feel like we're wasting energy" I said, looking right through my counselor, Mrs. Pierce. "I clearly don't remember."

She grasps her clipboard firmly and stops crossing her legs. "Maybe we should call it a day. You're still recovering and you'll have time to process what we talked about. We'll see how it goes in our next session in two days."

I simply nod and stand up, ready to leave. Caroline sighs and says goodbye to Mrs. Pierce, while I was out the door without another word.

Spending all afternoon in this office just reminds me of the time I spent here in treatment. It feels like it was just yesterday I sat on that very couch annoying my shrink, Mr. Pierce. I guess that's why I don't want to stay in here longer than I have to, it reminds me of the thing with my family and I can't handle it.

I feel lost, somehow. I don't really know who I am, or rather, who I was.

Michael

I wake up to a loud thud and a sharp pain in my back, realizing that I just fell out of my bunk in the middle of the night. Groaning quietly, I crawl back into my uncomfortable bed and hope I didn't wake up the others.

Staring at the ceiling, the terrifying pictures of the nightmare I was having just now come creeping back into my mind. It's been the same dream for over a week now.

I keep reliving the crash every single night since it happened, so I'm actually glad when I manage to snap out of it.

The picture in my head of Jade on the ground feels like someone is pushing glass shards down my throat and forcing me to swallow them. Over and over again, I have to watch the biggest mistake of my life, unable to help.

And her absence will remind me of that every single day.