Side Swiped

Chapter 1: I'll Give You a Good Day Alright

"I wasn't sleeping," I shouted out as my jealous whore of an alarm clock went off. I was thinking that I was in trouble, yet again, for sleeping in class. After becoming a little more coherent, I looked around noticing that I was in my room and couldn't help but groan at my alarm clock for waking me up from a good rumble in the sheets with my hot and sexy bed.

It was Monday morning, another day to take the world by force. By 'taking the world by force', I mean another day to make my teachers curse the day my friends mommies and mine enrolled us into the same school when we were just young and innocent babes. Not that we aren't young now, but maybe it's just the innocence part that may be a little bit tainted...just a little bit.

I slowly dragged myself away from my alluring bed, while the song Baby It's Cold Outside came to mind.

"I really can't stay," I sang to my bed, with which I have a very passionate relationship with. I trudged to the bathroom and had just pasted my tooth brush before my phone buzzed continuously. I continued getting ready and showering without bothering to open and read the numerous text messages that had just come through, I knew that it would just be the typical "good morning" texts from my friends.

I smiled when my mind wandered to my friends. My good and faithful friends, in a way I owed them a big thanks. They were a large part of the reason I ever went to school.

As I reached the bottom of the stairs I spot my parents going through their everyday morning routine. The way they're going about it makes me want to gag, which I guess I could say is my morning routing. Most people wouldn't notice anything beyond a man reading a newspaper, glancing down at his phone every couple of minutes, and a woman bustling about the kitchen preparing breakfast.

But the sight makes me think, Ew parent sex.

It's become a known fact that whenever mom sashays with this much "oomph", as we call it, it's only after a night of my father "putting it on her". I notice these things not because I'm one of those introverted weirdo kids who get off by watching their parents through key holes or anything like that; I know because they tell me.

They have always been open about every aspect of their relationship with me. By 'every aspect' I mean it when I say that they have not kept their sex life a secret from me. And people wonder why I am the way I am...

There are many perks to having a relationship like the one which I have with my parents like the fact that I can talk to them about everything that goes on in my life. When I got my first menstrual cycle, my mom was napping her room, I did not hesitate to march right into my father's office and tell him that I was "bleeding out of a hole I didn't even know I had". Those were my exact words.

His comment was "don't let boys put their pocket rocket in it" to which I responded, "How else do you expect to get grandchildren?"

He looked like he wanted to hunt down all the boys in my 7th grade class...come to think of it, Damien Golem didn't come to school the remainder of the year...

Moving on. I determined a long time ago that whoever I dated and married would have to share some of the characteristic of my father. He was a great person, a wonderful husband, and as far as fathers went, there were none on this earth greater than him.

As for my mother, it was the same. She was my diary. I considered her my mother and one of my best friends. I was thankful for our relationship because most people don't get to say or feel that way about their mothers until they're in their twenties. I was fortunate enough to see my mom that way from the day my brain could process what a friend was.

However, there were times like this that made me feel too fortunate because the negatives of our type of relationship were heavily present today. Downfalls are as follows: