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Shereaches over, her hand brushing over the bottle of painkillers she snatched form medical bay. She traces the cap, praying for a sign warning her that she shouldn't do it. Someone to stop her, to tell her she's worth it.
That's all it takes.
Someone to tell her she's loved. That she deserves it.
She chokes back tears when no one comes to help. She sits up and uncaps the bottle with shaking hands. Before she can dump the contents into her mouth, the door opens. She jumps, the pills spilling all over her bed. She stares at the person with wide eyes. The light turns on and she winces, her head pounding from crying and overthinking. Before she can process what's happening, the bottle is snatched out of her hand.
"What are you doing?" the person cries.
Octavia.
At the realization that someone did in fact come, (Y/N) breaks.
Her whole body convulses in uncontrollable sobs. Octavia wastes no time pulling (Y/N) to her. She rocks her as she, too, cries. She hates to see her best friend, her secret love, this vulnerable. This broken.
"Talk to me, please," Octavia pleads. (Y/N) struggles to calm down enough to speak. After a few more minutes, she takes a shaky breath and spills all.
"It's my fault. It's my fault that my parents fight every night. It's my fault that my dad drinks and my mom goes to bed crying. It's all my fault. If I hadn't gotten locked up, things would be okay. And if I wasn't such a fuck up, maybe you'd love me the way I love you," she blurts. Octavia and her both go silent, the only sound being (Y/N)'s occasional shaky breath.
As long as you are with me here tonight, I'm good.
"I do love you. I love you the way you are. You aren't a fuck up. You're perfect, and that's why you're the woman I love," Octavia whispers. (Y/N) pulls away, looking into Octavia's stormy blue eyes.
"What? What about Lincoln?" Octavia shakes her head.
"That's what I was coming to tell you. I realized that it's you. It's always been you, and it always will be. And I'm so sorry it took me this long to figure it out. To figure out that you're hurting. To figure out that I love you." (Y/N) shakes her head, pressing a gentle kiss to Octavia's lips.
Cause baby you're my sanity.
"You were right on time. You saved me, O. You saved me," (Y/N) repeats, more to herself than to Octavia. Octavia tightens her grip on (Y/N), nodding to herself as (Y/N) drifts off into her first peaceful sleep.
