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< chapter 12 >

Hazel wishes she could just fall over and die.

Of her intention not to upset her further about what had been done with Axel and Lilan, nothing came of it. She is still hung over. Not all the hamburgers, chips or milkshakes in the world could make the dull ache in her heart better. And Mario stopped at almost every McDonald's on the way back home.

That kiss... She couldn't help but melt under Axel's lips. Even the three teaspoons of sugar she just put in her coffee is just a poor attempt to compensate for the sweetness.

Her phone rings continuously, but she refuses to answer it. Surely it could only be Mario calling to find out if she was okay. The poor thing. He had been very worried about her since last night. She has to admit she was very close to giving Lilan a hard slap in front of everyone. But she's glad she didn't. She wouldn't have known where to put her head.

The muesli biscuit cracks under her teeth and some of the crumbs get stuck in her throat. It is very dry and makes her eyes water. If, like normal people, she wants to dip her biscuit in coffee before putting it in her mouth.

After a while the tearfulness still didn't stop and Hazel knows very well that it is no longer the biscuit's fault. For some stupid reason she longs for Axel. A man she barely knows. She wants to kiss him again. Again and again. And do even more...

All that can help now is Louise. She better get up and call her best friend. Louise will know advice.

"I never should have gone to that wedding," Hazel complained to Louise, stuffing another strawberry into her mouth. She specially brought a package of the treats and a bottle of sparkling wine with her to help her over her defeat. "I feel like shit."

“It's not that bad, Hazel,” her friend tried to comfort. "Such things happen. It's human."

"You don't understand. I feel guilty. Guilty because I kissed him back with such passion. And even more guilty because I want to kiss him again. Another girl's boyfriend!"

"Yes, but Axel should have restrained himself too, you know. As you say, he was taken after all."

"He didn't know Lilan was going to show up out of the blue" Hazel defend him

"She said she didn't like farm make-believe and when we saw her again she parked her broom in the corner."Louise smiled mysteriously

"Well, what's done is done. What are you going to do now?"

"What can I do?" Hazel exclaimed in shock. She took a big gulp of the sparkling wine and almost choked.

"Well, at least you won't see Lilan again," said Louise "After all, what are the chances you'll run into her somewhere here?"

"Probably not big. And it's a lot better that way, because I really don't see a chance for her and her attitude."

"But you won't be able to shake Axel off so easily."

"What do you mean?"

"Axel is crazy about you, Hazel! I'm dead sure of it."

"Oh nonsense. Lilan wins hands down. What would he want to put up with me for?"

"I think you've already had a taste of reason, my dear friend," Louise teased.

“Maybe it's a sign,” Hazel replied thoughtfully. "Men with steady girlfriends who grab and kiss strange women on dance floors are not trustworthy. And certainly not worth my time or daydreams."

"You are too young to be so cynical, Hazel. And it's not at all to say that if Axel kissed you, he's untrustworthy. Maybe it was the first time he was really honest with himself. That he realized Lilan is not the woman for him. Don't be so hard on him and yourself. You know you love the man. And you want him to love you too."

Hazel remains silent for a long time and rolls the finely chewed strawberry on her tongue. Its fruity taste is made more intense by the sparkling wine she drinks in between. Axel's kiss was just as intense. How will she ever be able to forget it? What Louise says is true, but it doesn't change any titel to the situation. Axel is and remains Lilan's boyfriend and the kiss was a mistake. He probably feels like a ass now that he went to ask for the word yes after he was on his knees begging for forgiveness for everything and it would actually surprise her if he hadn't begged Lilan already.

But she who is Hazel is seriously not going to that wedding, that's for sure. She had had enough of weddings now. She would rather swallow a piece of barbed wire and drink castor oil with it to get it off easier. And from this moment she is done with men. She was going to move on and forget about the whole thing. How did Mario say? There are many fish in the sea. Axel West  is not the only one.

"Hazel, do you hear what I'm saying?"

She just shook her head

"I said you love Axel West and you can just admit it as well," repeated Louise.

"Your right, I guess," replied Hazel with a long sigh and drinks her glass to the bottom. "But what will it do me? Just pretty much nothing."

"We'll see. You're still going to swallow your words, I promise you," said Louise, peering like a sphinx over the rim of her champagne glass.

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