Dance Til You Bleed (MxM)

number thirty-four

Nathaniel Azevedo

This is very inconvenient. The mere thought of having to do intimate choreography with him makes me feel... strange.

At first, it was repulsive, but then it was comfortable, and now it's absolutely terrifying. What if I make him uncomfortable? What if I touch him in a way that makes him feel violated? What if my body reacts in a way I do not want?

God, that'd be dreadful.

It doesn't help that Maddy's been in my face about arranging a meeting with him and his siblings. I would if I could just leave Maddy with them and leave so I don't have to see him. But I cannot do that.

Unfortunately.

She's my responsibility and I have to watch out for her, though I am not saying that Ariel and his siblings are incapable. I just would feel more at peace if I was there.

But I don't want to be there! I have the rest of the month to think about this.

Though Ariel is always free and has been asking when we'll start practicing. That's the main pressing issue as when I woke up, I caught a text from him asking when we'd start practice again.

Chipmunk: hey! just checkin in to ask when our next practice is. im gonna get rusty waiting for you, come on old man let's pick a date

Chipmunk: and pick a date for a hang out with the youngins 😋

When I woke up to it my heart nearly exploded. My breathing quickened and my mouth involuntarily pulled up into a grin.

It wasn't even that special of a text and yet it made my whole fucking morning. I had a constant smile on my face for hours. Thinking about it makes me so sick because he's taken! Taken and happy. God.

This must be some kind of sick joke God's playing on me. This can't possibly be my life.

He appeared in my dreams the night before too. His smile, his lips, his eyes that turn into crescents when he smiles, the way his plump lips pull when he smiles.

I'm losing it.

"Nathaniel."

I looked up from the music sheet I was writing on.

"Mama."

"Nosotros salimos," she stated plainly. (We're going out.)

"Okay—"

"And you're coming with us."

I blinked.

"Okay... ¿Quién es 'us'?"

"Me, your father, your sister, and Katherine."

I blinked and turned around. I put my music sheets up on the stand and stared at them.

"No."

"No?"

I shook my head and adjusted myself on my stool.

"I've got a lot on my mind, Mama. I can't go out."

I have an irrational fear of him being wherever I go. Even if we end up going somewhere way out of his potential hangout spots.

"You should go out because you have so much on your mind."

I shook my head and positioned my hands on the keys.

"Maddy wants you to go."

I shrugged my shoulders. "I'm tired, Mama."

I heard her step closer to me before sitting beside me on the bench. She used her hips to push me aside.