I Will Follow You Into The Dark || Jegulus

12. My Paper Heart

When Sirius woke up, the first thing he noticed was the angry gaze of Remus. This wasn't the first time it had happened, but it was the first time he did it to Sirius's face. Usually, it was just from behind or as he was talking to someone else. It was always after he slept with someone.

"What's got you so angry this fine morning?" Sirius yawned, stretching once he got out of his bed.

"You shagged a Slytherin." It was more of a statement than a question.

"Yes?" Sirius replied

"Why the hell would you do that?" Remus tried to keep himself calm, hands gripping the sheets under him almost violently, his knuckles white from the force.

"Found her in the hallway, Its no big deal Ill never see her again, I'm pretty sure she was a seventh year." Sirius shrugged.

"You SLEPT with a random Slytherin!" Remus yelled. Sirius felt naked and insecure. He hated being yelled at, it reminded him too much of Grimmauld place.

"And that's all it was! what's the big deal?" It took all his control to force that sentence out without a stutter.

"Because I love you Sirius! Fuck, how can you not see it?" Remus laughed, tears rolling down his face, but as quickly as the words came out, he was gone, leaving Sirius alone. He hated being alone.

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Sirius sat by the lake. He didn't know why it hurt so bad, but it did. Remus loved him. someone as wonderful as Remus deserved to be loved by someone so much better. Sirius usually settled for anyone who would take him. He pretended to be this hot shot, but inside all he wanted was the beauty that was Remus Lupin, a boy he was not deserving of, he just didn't know it yet.

As Sirius stared out to the frozen lake, hating himself for not grabbing a jacket before tunning out into the icy morning, Sirius saw a small black cat. At first, he thought it was McGonagall, but she wasn't a black cat. There were no other animagi, so Sirius figured it was someone's pet.

The cat approached and sat next to Sirius, staring forward at the lake, still as a statue for what felt like forever, but the cat stood up again and leaned against Sirius, rubbing its face on his leg, then crawled into his lap and layed down, purring loudly when he rubbed it behind the ears.

"Thanks for stopping by. It's like fate or something, knew I can't be left alone." Sirius laughed silently to the small cat.

Eventually Sirius had to force himself to go back to the castle. As much as he wanted to, he couldn't be caught skipping too many more times before Christmas, he would hate to get Effie or Monty called to the school because of him. He already got a warning that if he was caught one more time they would be informed, and he couldn't bother them with his bad behavior no matter how impulsive he felt.

And so he placed the cat on the grass next to him, said his goodbyes, then headed back to the castle.

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James didn't know whether Remus was avoiding Sirius or if it was the other way around. Maybe both. All he knew was that they had a fight. Some mornings, Remus showed up to the great hall only to grab a chocolate milk, and refused to answer any of James or Peter's questions, and he left almost as fast as he arrived.

Both boys were quiet in classes, sitting separately when they usually sat so close they may as well have shared a chair. There was no way the whole school didn't notice by the end of the first day.

Christmas holiday was in less than a week and Sirius and Remus refused to go near each other if not necessary.

Remus was in the library somewhere, isolating himself as usual when Peter managed to corner him.

"What are you doing here?" Remus looked up at Peter through a thick book he was trying to bury his thoughts with - so far unsuccessfully.

"What happened with you and Sirius?" Peter sat down beside Remus gingerly.

"Do you seriously not know?" Remus almost laughed.

"I think I have an idea, but I'd rather hear it from you."

The two sat, Peter waiting for a response while Remus tried to ignore everything, but couldn't. He was tired of his friends prying, always asking what's wrong. He couldn't just tell them, its all too much. But maybe just a little wouldn't be too much, especially since it already came out once.

"Sirius is off shagging anything that moves while I feel like I have been not even discreetly pining for him." Remus closed the book, setting it to his side.

"He just cant take a hint. The only way to get him to see something is to tell him. And knowing him and where he came from, he won't go to you first. He likes you, I know he does but he will never tell you if you just sit there pretending he can take a hint." Peter said.

"I get that now. I told him I loved him and now... fuck, I don't know where to go from here." Remus said, "sometimes I really feel like I hate him, I never want to speak to him again. I got so mad for fucking nothing so what's saying I won't do it again?" Remus groaned, placing his face in his hands.

"You have a lot of things pent up in that head of yours that you refuse to let out, of course all that building up is bound to explode. The best way to not blow up when the smallest thing happens is to share whatever is plaguing you with someone you're comfortable with and it will slowly get better, but you can't just lock yourself up and close your emotions away as if they don't exist and then expect no side effects. " Peter said. Remus nodded silently

After a pause, Remus spoke up again, "I can't just tell you guys what's bothering me. It isn't that simple, it's things that are hard to put into words for myself, let alone explain it to other people." He sighed, "I'm pissed at Sirius for more than just the stupid shagging though, and Im not ready to talk to him." He said.

"Take your time, just don't avoid him until Christmas break." peter said, then decided to leave Remus alone.

"Thanks Pete."

"No problem." Peter smiled before scurrying away.

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Damn, the married couple is having marital issues again