What Have I Done and What Am I Going to Do Now? (A teacher/student mishap)

Chapter 44: Life Derailed

Chapter 44: Life Derailed

What should have only lasted two weeks, went on for a month and it seemed like there was no end in sight to the faux Jade and Nash reconciliation. In the past few weeks, Nash had done all that he could do to be the father he thought he should be to Carver, as Fenix had requested of him. Nash visited our son at the hospital after classes and spent as much time with him as possible, while still being a supportive friend to me. Of course we kept up appearances for Kirsty's and everyone else's sake, but it was taking a toll on Nash. I could see the way he looked at her during class, with such sorrow and longing, and so could anyone else with half a brain. He still loved her and missed her, even if he wouldn't admit it openly.

The plan to make Fenix jealous and sent send him running back to me would have worked in our favor too, if it hadn't been for the fact that no one had seen Fenix since the day of Carver's surgery a month ago. Operation jealousy, as I called it, was all for nothing because he wasn't around to witness it or get the full effect. I wasn't certain what to make of his absence, but there had to have been a good reason. He wasn't answering my calls or texts, nor had he bothered to show up to class to teach or collect our papers which were coming due, and it was nearing the end of the semester. So where had he disappeared to? Had he gone on sabbatical or perhaps left his job altogether, because of me and the stress of 'losing' his son?

My attempts to figure out where Fenix had gone and what had happened to him were thwarted at every turn by the administration, substitutes and other staff members that I had cornered and asked of his whereabouts. The only answer I had ever gotten was that he had taken an indefinite leave of absence and probably wouldn't return this semester, which was utter bullshit in my opinion. He loved teaching and his job, which was the entire reason that Nash and I had to play it off like he was the baby's father while in public, so Fenix could keep his job. It meant so much to him and I knew he wouldn't leave it willingly, so it made no sense that he would effectively disappear off the face of the earth over a breakup. Yes, feeling like he had lost his son was difficult, but why vow to stay in the baby's life and take care of us if he planned on vanishing?

Was it because he never really wanted the baby and just wanted to shut me up about it? Perhaps it was simply that he didn't want to be with me or maybe there was something else that prompted his disappearance. Whatever the case, I was sure that he wouldn't have left the way he did without good cause. I could have handled the loss of our relationship and still been in his presence, because anything would have been better than this. It was like getting the 'silent treatment', except it was the 'fall off the face of the earth and forget that I exist' treatment. I had been lied to, mistreated and left broken-hearted before and he knew all of this, so why do it to me again after all that we had been through and how hard we had fought to be together?

Sure, in the beginning it was all about the sex and intensity between us, the passion, the fire of hearty discord the moral dilemma of unfaithfulness, and the excitement of doing wrong, but time after time we found ourselves drawn to each other. Day after day, true and deep feelings developed, it seemed for both of us, which only got stronger the more time we spent together. Through all of the troubles we endured, we had fallen in love. We were an unlikely pair, but what we had built between us felt so real. I thought that we were destined for each other and that he was the one I had been searching for to heal my wounds and fill me with happiness and purpose once again, but apparently I must have been wrong if he could have disappeared in such a way, effectively evaporating into thin air, leaving little more than a quickly penned note with a half-conscious man heading into surgery. How could he do that to his son? That was something that I couldn't forgive, and wouldn't if I ever found him.

"Stop day dreaming. We're going to be late for class." Nash said with an aggravated huff. 

I glared at him, about to ask what was with his annoyed tone, but then I noticed Kirsty walking through the classroom doorway a few feet ahead of us and it all became clear. The poor bastard, he was in so much pain without her. I felt awful for going along with this ridiculous idea in the first place. He didn't have to breakup with her and crush her heart to prove that he could be a good dad. It wasn't necessary for us to go along with Fenix's wishes of what he wanted for us and our son, when he wasn't around to witness the effects for himself.