It's Definitely Not All Mary Poppins

Will Forgive It, Can't Forget It (1)

He didn't sleep that night. Matthew paced about his room, retracing his words and the full explanation Yang gave him to everyone; Toby was newly infuriated while Edward and Liza fell silent. He had never seen the look of loss on Liza's face like that before, like she had discovered a soul-destroying secret.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Audrey had asked.

"Not with you," he snapped back. "Not with anyone. I just – I need to think about it."

"Dwell" was the word she used.

There was no better word for it. It ached the same way the house did the first time Matthew walked into it.

"I can fix this," he told himself just shy of two in the morning. The bedroom door was open, and the cold air lapped around his legs. "Just think, Matt. Think, you idiot. There's an answer in this. There has to be, right?" It was staring at him, so clear and obvious it made him angry for not seeing it.

Construction resumed at seven that morning.

Matthew was nowhere to be found.

He missed an afternoon call from the children on the fifth full day without them. Toby answered the phone. Eli told him about another movie his grandparents took them to, that bored him for "not enough high-stakes stuff. But I did like the Terrafirminator", which made no sense to Toby. Lilly talked about the size of the pancakes that were made for them, the view from their grandparent's suite at the hotel. They asked about Matt incessantly, and would not accept Toby's answer of "He's out for a walk."

The sun was out, barely. Clouds dotted the sky, and the wind was cool. It smelled like rain.

"Where is he?" Toby asked once he tossed his notes on the call to the side. He glanced through the thin living room windows overlooking the front drive, his knees on the built-in seating. He pulled out his phone and rang him again, only for it to ring out for too long for Toby's liking. "This isn't like him."

"To miss breakfast, or to be missing?" asked Liza.

Toby shot her a look.

"What? That was a genuine question."

He slid off the banquette and crossed his arms over his chest. "I feel weird."

"You are weird."

"I'm being serious."

"So am I," Liza said.

He clenched his jaw, staring. "Don't you have somewhere to be?"

She met his eyes. "This is more important."

He wrinkled his nose. "Ew. Who are you, and what have you done with Liza?"

"Just tell me what you're bitching about now."

"...was I too mad at him yesterday?"

Liza opened her mouth but paused halfway through the breath. She deflated slowly, shoulders drooping first, before she turned away. "I wasn't really sure what you were made at." She sat back on the banquette seating, crossing her arms. "If Matt wants to stay for no one's benefit, let him. He's a fucking adult. But yesterday, you...I don't know. You being mad at him over a reference is...at least semi-reasonable. Finding out Yang's whole tragic backstory doesn't make sense to be mad about."

"I wasn't mad about that," Toby said, feet stepping slowly into the sunken living room. The bubble chandelier hanging from the skylight was removed, and the space felt so bare. Even with the baby green blooming in the distance, everything else felt so separated. "He got his closure, whatever that looks like to him. Yang told him everything he wanted to know. All he needs to do now is get Lloyd going, and that's that. Matt's done."

"But you know him."

"But I know him, yeah. I've known him since middle school. He's not the kind of person who'd do something like that. He's..." Toby huffed. "Matt's the kind of person to run into a burning building to rescue people on the seventh floor when he's doesn't have anything to protect himself."

Liza wrinkled her nose. "That doesn't – nope, the example's just stupid." She paused. "But that does sound like him."

"I'm just...concerned. I don't trust – I'm just scared he'll backtrack and stay."

She stood. "And if he does?"

He looked at her. "You want him to keep working for the guy who assaulted him?"

"No, but that's not our choice."

"You sound like him."

Liza recoiled at that. "The guy fucking apologized. What, do you want to castrate Yang? Stab himself and let him bleed to death on the floor?"

"No, I don't – no."

"What do you want him to do?"

"Yang?"

"Either of them." Liza moved towards him. "The 'I'm supporting my friend' stchick is nice, Toby, but where is the line for moving past this?"

"Who said Matt had to?"

"Yang, apologized. I don't know how much of it was bullshit or not, but he apologized and explained himself, and that's what Matt wanted. Whether or not it was enough is not our problem; it's Matt's. It's theirs. So, what? Do you want us to absorb their emotional constipation? Is that it? We can help them move forward, or we can stay put and wallow with them. I advocate for moving on."