It's Definitely Not All Mary Poppins

Like Something is Brewing (1)

"Welcome back to MSNBC, your –"

"– hy do we think the President's decisions are being taken like th –"

"– ireBoxInc. comes out of the quarter with a rise in profi –"

"– said she had never seen anything like it. 'Y'know, ah never' –"

"– ith all new episodes of 'The Real Housewives of' –"

Matthew moaned louder than before, buried underneath three blankets and his bed's comforter. "How is there still nothing oooon?" he moaned. Rolling himself up in a burrito of warmth and fluff, Matthew slugged off the couch, through the candy wrapper remains scattered on the floor, and towards the TV console. The fingers on his left arm tingled.

Liza, watching from the armchair, tucked a strand of loose hair behind her ear and asked, "I'd rather watch you crawl like a slug than tell you things are going to be okay."

"Let me have my 'wallowing day' in peace."

"No, because you had your bullshit day yesterday, too."

Matthew grunted, freeing his arms from the cocoon and rifling through the DVD stack. "It's not my fault those people decided –"

"I didn't say that," she sighed for the fourth time. "Yes, it was supremely cowardly of them to cancel, while you were there waiting for them, but how long are you going to keep wallowing in your 'woe is me' bullshit?"

He didn't reply. Towards the back, he found season four of The Office, which he promptly put into the DVD player. A dull shooting pain ran through his left arm, which he shook away the same way a child flicks something off their hand. "Fuck, I think I slept on it weird or something."

"Matt," Liza began, "you can't ignore me like this. You owe me, like, two years worth of groceries."

Matthew tipped his head back and groaned. Looking at her, he hissed, "Yes?"

"Hi," she grinned.

Sighing, he flopped backward when the series theme started playing from the main menu. "How is it possible to have so much rejection in one's life like this? Like, what did I do to deserve this?"

"I mean, you're gay, for starters."

Matthew licked his lips. "That's about as funny as you and Toby's angry, sexually-frustrated banter."

Liza wrinkled her nose. "Ew."

"And if I have to explain to you one more time that I'm not gay, I'm actually going to kill you."

She glanced away for a moment before turning back to him. "Okay, but like –" She scoffed, head shaking, "Like, you dated Audrey. Congrats. You're gay now, right?"

"That's..." Matthew's eyes narrowed. "Wait, what?"

"Wh – have you ever dated a guy?"

"That's n – waitwaitwait, what the fuck are you talking about? After every bad date, are you turned off by all men?" Matthew sat up, gasping. "Are you secretly a lesbian? Have you ever dated a woman before?"

Liza shook her head, confused astonishment written all over her face. "That – what? No."

Matthew shook his head, staring. "You are an incurable moron."

"You're just asking for another four months-worth of groceries to be added to your debt," she spat. "Is that what you want?"

He laid back down, sighing. "Just forget it. Again."