Only Tolerable//Tokio Hotel •Tom Kaulitz•

Happy Birthday, Alice

It's been a week since everything with Tom went down. Things were hectic. We hadn't brought up the kiss since it happened, my birthday was Tomorrow and two days after that, Tokio Hotel started their little tour.

I was losing my mind. I needed to talk to Tom before the tour. Bill was outside and Tom was in his room. I left my spot on the couch and walked up to Tom's room. I opened his door and he smiled when he saw me.

"We need to talk." I said sitting in his desk chair. "I agree." He said. "What does this mean?" I asked him.  "Well since we both no longer hate each other, I say we be together and get to know each other." He said.

"Tom, that's a bit straight forward." I told him. He shrugged. "Then what's your idea?" He asked me. I liked us talking like this. There was no screaming and fighting. "We can get to know each other over tour." I told him. He nodded. "That works, but until then?" He asked.

I looked at him. "Do you still have the agreement?" I asked. He nodded and he stood up and walked over to me. He moved his desk chair over and me with it. He dug around in the top drawer and pulled out a piece of paper. He held it out for me.

I took it grabbed a pen and started adding to it. Well, sort of making a new one. On tour, we can hangout, get to know each other, with the occasional flirting. If either of us want to hold hands or kiss, it has to be asked upon and not in front of anyone. If it is spontaneous, then that regards the situation. Also, with this and if we end up dating or whatever the fuck. Bill never finds out about anything. Not the agreement we made before this one, nothing. And if we do end up together, we collectively will tell Bill together when we're ready.

I let Tom read it and he agreed. He signed it and then so did I. "Then it's settled." I told him he nodded and looked at me. "What do you want for your birthday." He blurted out. I looked at him.

"You never get me anything for my birthday." I told him. He shrugged. "Things are different now." He said. This was weird, I never saw Tom like this, I mean I have, I just haven't seen him like this with me.

I smiled. "It doesn't matter Tom, I'm sure I'll love or maybe even tolerate whatever it is you get me." I jokingly told him. "Yeah, because the both of us are only tolerable in some degrees." He joked back.

I got up and walked over to the door. "Tom, are you sure about this? What if something goes wrong, what if this doesn't work what if it makes things worse- what about Bill? What if-just, something goes wrong or hap-" I started having an anxiety attack. Great.

Before I knew it, it got hard to breath and I fell to floor, my surroundings merging. This wasn't an anxiety attack. This was a panic attack. Fuck. I hadn't had a panic attack in a long time, last one I had, was in Germany.

Tom rushed over to me and hugged me. He told me to calm and tried everything he could to help me. Eventually, the panic attack subsided. "That wasn't like any other anxiety attacks you had." He said, helping me up off his floor.

I shook my head. "Because it wasn't an anxiety attack, it was a panic attack." I told him. "I'm sorry." He said. I nodded and before I knew it, he wrapped his arms around me, hugging me. That's first hug I've ever gotten from him.

I looked at his eyes and smiled. "I think we're gunna be just fine." I told him. He nodded. "Because we're only tolerable." I laughed. "Keep saying that, and this can go back to the what it was before." I said. He nodded.

He kissed my forehead before I left his room. I walked downstairs and outside. "Bill, something great has happened." I told him with a smile. "Well what is it?" He asked as he smiled back. "I'm okay. Like, I'm really okay." I told him.

"That's really great Alice!" I nodded. "You excited for tour?" I asked him. He nodded. "I love meeting the fans. What about you?" He asked me. I nodded. "I hope they like me more." I said. Bill agreed.

The day was slow. Literally, I found myself hanging out with Tom in the living room, talking about random stuff and us making fun of each other. It wasn't hateful like it had been for past 10 years. This was different.

Tom and I were laughing at a joke I made about Tom when he used to wear his dreads down when Bill walked into the living room. "Did I miss something?" Bill asked. I shook my head as I hushed my laughter. "Be proud Bill, Tom and I are making an effort to not hate each other." I said.

He smiled. "Thank Christ. Finally. No funny business alright. If you to start dating and then break up I'll be Alice-less and I'll have have to kick Tom's ass." Bill said.

Tom and I already knew that. This is why we had to keep things from Bill. I hated lying to him.  The rest of the day went by and eventually turned to night. 18 here I come.

***

At 9 I was enjoying my very peaceful sleep, all the way up until I was woken up by Bill, Tom, Gustav, and Georg singing me happy birthday loudly. I groaned and sat up. "Whyyyy." I said, wishing they'd let me sleep in.

"Be down stairs in 5 minutes. We got shit planned!" Bill said. I rolled my eyes. They all left except for Tom. He sat down down next to me on the bed. "How come you didn't go with them?" I asked. "Did you really just ask that? It's your birthday, and I wanted to give something to you." He told me.

I smiled. "Just, close your eyes and hold out your hands first." Tom said. "Tom, I swear to god if it's something gross or some shit, you better fucking run." I told him a I did what he told me to do. He laughed. "Remember Alice, I don't hate you.

I nodded as I kept my eyes shut and held out my hands. I felt something like metal being placed into my hands. "You can open them." He said. I slowly opened my eyes and my eyes went wide as I looked in my hands.

I smiled and looked at Tom. "Tom, it's really pretty." I said. It was a sliver necklace in the shape of a heart. "That's not even the best part." He said as he took it from me. I watched as he opened the heart. It was a locket. He shows me the inside and my heart like exploded or something. I never felt that way before.

"It's pictures of us on the day I met you." I said. He nodded. His picture was on the left, mine on the right. "I really love it, Tom." I told him. He smiled. I asked him to put it on me and he did.

"In the agreement it says that we have to ask to kiss, this is me asking you." Tom said. I nodded. He kissed me. It was a short one. "Happy Birthday, Alice." He said as he got up and held out his hand helped me off the bed. We starting walking downstairs hand in hand. "Please tell me Bill didn't plan anything drastic." I asked.

Tom shook his head. "He wouldn't even tell me anything." He told me. As soon as we reached the last step we dropped our hands back to our sides and walked to the kitchen.

"We're having breakfast, and then, we're going shopping, and then later we have cake and gifts." Bill said. I nodded. I'm glad there was no big party. I'm glad Tom changed his mind about me having a party. "I can deal with that." I said nodding.

We ate breakfast and then Bill oh so graciously gave me a shopping spree to my favorite places. After that, we went home. I needed this. Just Bill, Gustav, and Georg. Just me and Tom.

Bill had gotten me a painting easel. I could be myself again after Logan. Georg, got me paintbrushes and paint, Gustav got me drawing paper and canvases along with pencils. I loved these guys.

They knew my interests well. Not one of them had gotten me a bad gift, but, I will say. The best gift of all, was hanging from my neck.

As we were in the living room, reminiscing about everything, I glanced at Tom and smiled, he doing the same. He really is something. This birthday wasn't half bad.