Only Tolerable//Tokio Hotel •Tom Kaulitz•

Why Would You Even Kiss Me?

After we were all done, I went back to my room. I wanted some time to myself. I was in my room for an hour or so before I decided I wanted to pick up on drawing again, so I opened my suitcase and got out my sketchbook and pencils.

I looked back all the things I've drawn before, but something was missing, the picture I drew of Tom was missing. Tom must have taken it the night I showed it to him.

I walked over to door that connected our rooms and hoped he was in there. I opened it and I was right, he just wasn't alone. It felt like my heart physically broke.

I looked at him and to the girl he was talking too. They were standing way too close just to be friends, it looked he was gunna kiss her. I shook my head and let out a shaky sigh. Tom turned to me, his expression unreadable. Maybe I was going insane. "I'm gunna go." Is all the girl said and then she left.

I was frozen and trying my hardest not to cry. "Who was that, Tom." Trying not to cry or freak out. "An acquaintance." He said. "An acquaintance?" I asked. He nodded but didn't say anything. I shook my head. "What type of acquaintance stands that close to someone?" I said.

I shook my head and tears flooded my eyes, like a broken dam. He shrugged. "I knew something was gunna go wrong with this, with us." I said. "You really fucking doubted us from the beginning?" Tom questioned. I nodded. "Given our history, I think I was entitled too." I said.

"I'm so sorry Alice that this was just so fucking doubtful for you." He said. I shook my head. "Don't say that alright! Things were fine before we put our emotions into this." I said shaking my head. "Emotions? We fucking hate each other." Tom said.

My heart broke a second time the second he said that. We said we didn't hate each other. Old habits die hard I guess. "Then why Tom! Fucking why, why would you even kiss me?!" I yelled at him.

Immediately after that, he answered. "Because I love you!" He yelled back. I shook my head and cried more. "Then you have a really fucking shitty way of showing it." I told him. Shaking my head.

"Listen, Alice, nothing happened and nothing was going to happen. She was helping me." He said. "What the actual fuck does that mean Tom?" I asked. He walked over to the table in the room and picked up a binder and came back over to me.

"The lady works at the hotel. I wanted to do something nice for you because of all the stupid shit I've done to you recently and over the last 10 years." He said, holding out the binder for me to take.

I gave him a questionable look and opened the binder. "What is it that I'm looking at exactly?" I questioned. "Potential places to go for our first date." I looked at Tom. "Who are you and what have you done with my Tom?" I asked him. I called him my Tom because realistically, I had no idea what to call him, he and I weren't really anything yet.

He shrugged. "I'm still your Tom, just less of an ass and trying to get you to be my girlfriend." He said. My eyes went wide. "I know you love me and all, but you can't lie, this is weird." I told him. He nodded. "A good weird?" He questioned. I nodded.

"Fuck, I'm sorry, I yelled at you and made a big deal, after everything that went down with Logan, I feared the worst." I told him as I closed the binder and held it under my arm. Tom hugged me. "It's okay."

"Hey, you love me. Tom Kaulitz loves me." I said like I couldn't believe it. After 10 years of us hating each other, was kind of baffling.

He laughed. "Yes I do." I hugged him back. "What are you doing tomorrow?" I asked him. "The band and I have an interview at 11 a.m. tomorrow." He said. I nodded. "I'll let you know when I figure out where we're going for our first date."

He nodded. "Do I have permission, regarding the agreement, to kiss you?" He asked. I nodded. He kissed me and I went back on my way to my room.

I felt bad for yelling at him and jumping to conclusions, but oh my god, he loves me. I know I didn't say it, but I'm pretty sure I love him back. I wanted to make sure. After everything with Logan, I wanted to be careful. With Logan, I wasted a thousand 'I love you's' on a shitty fucking person when I could of cherished them with someone else...someone like Tom. I completely forgot to ask if he had the drawing I did of him.

I'd ask him later. At this point, it was late. Between the traveling, the walking, and my yelling, I was tired. I took a shower and changed into pajamas, practically falling onto the bed and into the covers.

As I put myself to sleep my thoughts took over. I really did feel bad for yelling at Tom. Before we found out neither one of us really hated each other, Tom wasn't the type to love one girl, he had many.

I knew that, and it worried me, but him telling me that he loves me, made me truly believe that I didn't have to worry anymore.

I also felt sorry for jumping to conclusions. I didn't know the full story at first. I'm not going to lie, Tom getting me that binder of places to go on our first date was cute. I'm not use to this.

I was drifting peacefully to sleep, with a smile on my face. Things were right in the world, my world. I had Tom, Bill, our friends. Things were okay, I was happy, like unbelievably happy.

I was thinking. If Tom and I never made the agreement regarding the money he loaned me, would the things that were happening currently with he and I still be happening?

There was no telling. I'm kind of glad we made that stupid agreement in the first place. Because we don't hate each other. I smiled, my favorite part of the stupid argument we had earlier plaguing my mind.

'Why would you even kiss me?"

"Because I love you." 

(A/N: I love this chapter, not so much the argument but the results of it if that makes sense. Happy reading 🖤)