Cats In the Cradle

51. Emma

The next time he called, Mia asked if I'd like to speak to him as usual. The choice still gave me a strange thrill; I could say no to a man! And a man as big and handsome and as daunting as Daniel. A man who I'd once believed was my husband. This would have been heavily punished back in my home community.

I know she expected me to say no, like I had every time, besides the one when I told him to stop calling.

This time, however, I jumped up and held my hand out. Her eyebrows shot up, and she mouthed, "Are you sure?" And I felt that strange thrill again. I didn't have to. Nobody expected me to. Daniel probably didn't even expect me to at this point.

But yes. I was sure. He was my friend. He'd proven that he wasn't perfect by any means. Maybe he really had fucked up my brain a little more than it already was. But he'd proven that he still cared. He was still my best friend.

I missed him, and I wanted to speak to him. Definitely.

"Hello?" I started timidly, suddenly wondering if he'd be upset with me for the way I spoke to him a few months ago.

"Emma?? You actually accepted my call?!" He sounded so excited, I couldn't help but smile. Mia noticed my smile and beamed, then excitedly clapped her hands before backing out of my room.

"Um. Yes? I guess I finally realized that—"

"That you don't hate me?"

"Yes. I realized I don't hate you. And I realized-"

"That you definitely want me to come see you on your 18th birthday?!" I laughed, not even annoyed that he kept interrupting me.

It was so nice to hear his voice. It was wonderful to hear his laughter. I forgot how warm his laughter always made me feel. How utterly delighted and clever I used to feel when I was able to make him laugh or smile.

"I would love that. Really. I'm...sorry about what I said...the last time we spoke. I don't know what's going on with me. It's like I feel so free some days, and I love it. But then sometimes I wish I was still stuck in a cage."

"A cage, really? With handcuffs?"

I laughed again, but I needed him to be serious. I needed him to understand that I was kind of a mess, too. I wanted things to be the way they were sometimes, but I was changing. It was ugly and painful and sometimes I resisted it with every fiber of my being.

But it was happening. There was no going back now. We could move forward, but I couldn't be the same person I was a few months ago.

"I'm not sure about the cage and the handcuffs..." I confessed, and he laughed. "I think you're the only one I'd allow to ever handcuff me," I added quietly.

"Fuckkkkk. You can't say shit like that until you're 18, love. Not after I just got out of all that trouble from our...marriage." His voice sounded lower, huskier...a bit strained. A bit like—

"Daniel, what are you doing right now??"

"Um. Nothing. Definitely not thinking about handcuffs. Definitely not thinking about anything that would be illegal before your 18th birthday."

Yeah, sure.

"But I'd be happy to come show you exactly what I was thinking about...if you'll let me take you out on a date next week."

A date?? Like the ones Oliver talked about? I'd never really done anything with Daniel. Most of our marriage was spent in our house, just doing our very best to convince Orion that our marriage was real.

But how could we go on a date, when we'd already been married? I was still in love with him, despite my depression and anger and erratic behavior. If he was still in love with me, what would that mean?

"Um. I don't—"

"Just as friends, if that's what you want. I won't handcuff you and drag you into my car and force you to be with me. Yet. Not until you've gotten your GED, I swear."

I laughed again, relieved that he was ok with being friends for now. Relieved that he was still willing to be in my life, despite me trying my best to push him away.

"Ok, just as friends for now. But I want flowers. And balloons." I was pretty sure Oliver and Mia had mentioned balloons on birthdays. "And I want to try Korean food. Something spicy!" Lara spoke very highly of Korean food, but I'd always been too scared to ask for some. I didn't have to be scared with Daniel.

"...I can do that."

"And I want you to keep calling me every day," I blurted. "I just...want you to be my friend again, Daniel. I can't be anything more than that yet...but...I've really, really missed you." I told him softly.

"I really, really missed you, too."

"Yeah, I could tell. You weren't hiding that well at all," I teased, earning myself more butterflies in my stomach as I basked in the sweet sound of his laughter.

"Ok, well I'll see you next week, on your birthday. I'm going to take you out. As friends. But dress nice, because we're going to take our first pictures, and I might kiss you. As a friend... And then you're never, ever getting rid of me again."

I smiled. I had no choice but to agree, I suppose.

But that was ok this time.

Sometimes it was nice to just be told what to do.