Cats In the Cradle

49. Emma

My first couple of months with Lara's family were...emotional.

I cried a lot.

I was so angry.

Sometimes I just refused to speak.

Sometimes I screamed and yelled.

And I lashed out at everyone.

I missed Mama. I missed my family and my home and my animals. I missed how simple my life was before meeting Daniel. Maybe I wouldn't have had the freedom to choose my future, but maybe there was something comforting in just allowing someone else to decide.

It was easy. I wouldn't have to worry about being happy. I wouldn't have to worry about my future. It would all be decided for me, and I'd just have to accept it. No way out.

But then sometimes, I was so grateful for my freedom. I was grateful for all the little choices Lara allowed me to make.

"Do you want to speak to Daniel today?"

"Daniel is here again. Should I allow him to come upstairs?"

"Do you like this outfit I bought for you?"

"Do you want to join us for dinner tonight?"

"Would you like to help me cook? Or should we order pizza again?"

"Do you think you might want to get your GED one day?"

"If you could do anything in the world...what would you want to do with your life?"

It was overwhelming. Sometimes downright terrifying. The world seemed so huge now, too full of possibilities and endless decisions to be made.

I know Lara knew how I was feeling. She'd been here. But she'd been forced to learn the ropes of The Outer World—the real world—on her own. So she was cautious with me. She allowed me as much freedom as I could handle, gradually giving me more and more choices.

Gradually opening me up.

Gradually proving to me that I didn't have to navigate things on my own like she did.

So we started to talk. We all did. Ezra told me about college and how he was studying culinary arts, because that was his passion. He was able to just...choose...what he wanted to study. He was able to choose what he wanted to do with his whole life. And he'd make money from that, and he could make his life whatever he wanted it to be.

Oliver told me about high school. How there were many people there—all kinds of people—and they learned together. There were clubs and sports and even some specialty classes for people who knew what they wanted to do after they graduated.

They socialized and sometimes they developed romantic feelings for each other, so they'd get to know each other better. They'd go on dates—special trips to restaurants or other fun places—and they'd usually build their relationships slowly. They'd kiss and hug and maybe do other things, but sometimes it didn't work out, and they'd find someone else. Until they found the right person.

Mia told me about 9th grade and showed me some of the things she was learning in Biology and Algebra and English. I couldn't understand anything she showed me, but I was captivated. Mama had homeschooled all of her children, but the girls only received schooling until we were 14. Mia said that would have been the equivalent of 8th grade.

So she was younger than me, but in a higher grade than me.

She and Oliver and Ezra just seemed to know so much, and they were so happy to tell me anything I wished to know. There were no weird restrictions on what I was allowed to ask or how loudly I was allowed to speak. I remembered nearly convulsing the first time I heard Mia's loud, shrieking laugh one night, while we all played a family game together.