Love me Endlessly

Chapter 38-Much needed therapy

"Two weeks has gone by since I saw Lyric in the studio. That was the last I have seen and heard of him. Same goes for Shane. Both of them haven't tried to make any contact with me, but in their defense I haven't tried to make contact with them either.

I've been so wrapped up in all of the depression and tears that I haven't even touched my phone, too afraid of who might call when I finally do. Mom couldn't stand to stay in the same house with me I guess cause after I came home from the studio a crying and unobtainable mess she got herself a hotel room the next morning. She comes over everyday still but is quick to leave when I start having one of my fits.

Which I can't help but have. Everything I have came to love in my life fell apart within seconds and it's all my fault. She keeps telling me not to beat myself up about it but that is easier said than done. I've hated myself since I led on Jared back in high school and hurting Lyric like this is only making the hate grow more. And you know what?

I deserve to be hated by them and myself. By anyone actually. I'm not...a good person. I can't just be normal, you know? I just have to have something out of the ordinary. Like falling in love with two amazing guys and then hurting both of them by just being me. Un-normal, heart breaker, no good me." I sighed, blinking away the tears clouding my vision.

Ethan scribbled something down on the notepad he has been writing on since our session started and looked up at me with a comforting stare. "Ella, I might not know you that well but I can tell you are a great person. You just have some flaws that are clouding the beauty that I'm sure everyone sees." He said and I scoffed with a shake of my head.

"What people see is what they want to see. It's not me. This..." I paused gesturing to me. "This is me. I have no beauty. Not on the inside at least. I used to think I did. I thought I was your normal, grade A, sweet girl until I hurt so many people. The beauty people see is not real and never will be real. And honestly I wish people could see me for who I am so they would know to stay away. Cause all I will ever do is end up breaking their heart. That's what I'm good at apparently."

He let out a little sigh and wrote something else down before speaking again. "I'm not going to sit here and try to convince you to see how amazing you are. That's not my job. My job is to find a way to help you deal and cope with the problems you have with yourself and then move on to the problems you have with others." He broke off and grabbed a tissue out of the box, handing it to me.

I grabbed, not realizing I was crying, and swallowed the lump in my throat. "Thanks." I squeaked out, dabbing at my eyes. He nodded with a soft smile and continued with what he was saying.

"When did all this drama start to happen between Lyric, Shane, and you?" He asked and I started to pick at my nails, not wanting to go through all the memories.

"Well, I guess when the car accident happen. Lyric saved my life and I had just lost my best friend Rachel. I was in really bad place but they both helped me through it in their own ways. Lyric pushed me to start walking and Shane made sure I didn't over do it. They were constantly butting heads because they are both smart asses and had a comeback to everything the other one said. And then I got tossed into the mess when my feelings started getting stronger for Lyric and then I found out about Shane cheating. It just all went down hill from there. My feelings have always be confusing and jumbled with it comes to the two of them." I told him, rubbing my thumb over the tattoo on my wrist.

"I see." He trailed off, writing things down on the notepad. "I think you need to take some time and figure out what and who you want. I know that it is easier said than done but if you honestly took a few days, weeks, maybe even months to just go through all your memories and feelings. Try to sort through things."