Love and War - Aemond/Aegon Targaryen

Chapter 12

Aemond was drinking wine by the fireplace as the sun began to set.
He hadn't seemed to notice that Arlenna had left the bath and returned to their room. But she was glad for that.
Rare was the occasion that she got to simply admire him these days. He was always so busy there was never a moment of quiet and peace.
But this moment was like the calm in the middle of a storm.
The warm orange glow of the fire light illuminated his face, casting shadows along his jaw and the curve of his cheeks. Even now he wore his eyepatch, silently contemplating with his shoulders back and his posture impeccable.
Even when relaxing, he wasn't relaxed. He always looked so regal. So perfect. So poised.
She remembered that when they were children he used to slouch. His mother used to chastise him for it all the time. But now he never did. Now he always looked like someone was watching him, even when there was no one there.
It was habit, she supposed.
There was seldom a time when he wasn't being watched, so it made sense.
He lifted the glass of wine to his lips, fingers loose around the top of the glass.
He always used to sit in that chair and read. Everything from the histories to philosophy.
She liked to ask him questions about his books, talk through them with him, because it was something that he was passionate about and it made her smile to see that.
Slowly, she approached - tiptoeing along the cold stone floor.
He must've been tired. Usually, he would've heard her coming a mile away. But recently he'd not been sleeping. And his mind was so distracted by other things. And so she crept up behind him, wrapped her arms around his shoulders, and gently kissed his cheek.
Aemond wasn't startled by it. He smiled a little, seeming exhausted, and took her hand.
It had been days since he told her of his plans to leave for Harrenhal with Criston Cole and he'd begun taking the evenings off to spend with her. She knew it was his way of appeasing her for the fact he was leaving but she didn't mind. She intended to enjoy every moment of him that she could get.
"What are you thinking about?" She asked, resting her chin on his shoulder.
"Just this war. And you."
She smiled. There was a comfortable silence that stretched between them. In all her life, she could count on one hand the amount of people she felt truly at ease with but Aemond was always at the top of that list.
Sometimes, when they were little, she had told him that it was like one spirit was split into two. That they were two halves of a whole.
Aemond had always told her that was stupid. That they were both whole alone. But that they were meant to be together anyway.
"Do you know what I was thinking?"
"Hm?"
"I was thinking that if we have another child, I think it'll be a boy."
The Prince turned to face her now and she grinned as she realised that she'd gotten his attention.
"Is that what you want?" He asked. "Another child?"
Arlenna shrugged. "Visenya is getting older. She can talk, she's toddling. Daenys... I wanted to have her but she wasn't meant to be. And that was months ago. When this war is over, I want to have a family. With you."
"I'll be away. I'll be fighting the blacks. I won't be here, with you, like I was for Visenya. And if I don't come home-"
"You will." She declared.
Aemond had tried to talk to her many times about the possibility of him dying but each time she'd refused to listen.
She knew he didn't think he was going to die, but he was cautious.
Arlenna couldn't stand to hear it. To think of it.
All her life, Aemond had been there. Even when she was in Oldtown, she'd listened to stories about what he was doing and imagined the sort of life they could've lived together. She'd always had him. Always.
The thought of him not being there...
Often, she thought that if he died, she would die with him.
"Do you want a child?" She asked, her voice a little quieter.
He thought of the way he'd felt when he realised that Visenya was not his. Of the hours of training that he'd committed himself to in the hopes that anger would dissipate and he wouldn't try to kill his brother. It never did dissipate though.
He thought of how his whole world fell into place when Arlenna had told him about Daenys. How the idea of being married to the woman he'd spent a lifetime loving, and being a father, made him happier than he had ever been before.
He thought about losing Arlenna when she'd tried to travel to Oldtown. Searching for her on dragonback. Finding her carriage discarded and her guards dead. Finding her, dehydrated and barely standing with the blood of their child dripping down her legs.
He thought about how he'd withdrawn after that. About revenge. About killing Daemon and Rhaenyra and everyone on Dragonstone.
"I do." He told her. "But I have to be able to keep you safe. And that means going to-"
"Harrenhal? Yes, I know. I know trying to convince you to stay when you've got your mind made up is useless."
"Yes, well, I'm stubborn like my wife."
"I know you'll kill him. I know you'll win. I believe it. I believe in you. Daemon will be dead, Rhaenyra will be weakened, Aegon will be secured as King, and we will be together again."
He took her hand again, gently pulling her onto his lap. Arlenna rested her head on his shoulder, watching the flames dance in the fireplace.
"I will kill him. For everything he's done. And may the Gods help anyone who tries to keep me from you."
They stayed like that for a long while. The warmth of the room and Aemond's protective arms wrapped around her, made Arlenna slowly drift to sleep.
He held her for a while. Maybe an hour. Maybe more.
The dark curls of her hair had fallen in front of her face, and she muttered softly in her sleep.
Slowly, carefully, he rose with her in his arms and gently carried her over to the bed.
She didn't stir as he placed her down on the side she always liked to sleep. She didn't stir as he pulled the covers over her. She didn't stir as he softly kissed her forehead. And she didn't stir as he walked out their bedroom door.
The hallways were silent. Silent and dark.
Everyone in the Keep was asleep.
But Aemond never seemed to find sleep anymore.
That anger had taken over his life for months. And each night he went to train in the courtyard until he'd worn himself out. Or he went to the small council chamber and looked over all of their plans and all of the battles currently being fought.
He couldn't stop thinking about it. About the war.
It was everything. He lived and breathed it. That revenge. Gods, he needed it like he needed air. He needed it more and more every day.
But it wasn't just revenge on Rhaenyra that he needed.
As he turned the corner, he came to Aegon's bedroom door.
There were no candles lit inside.
Just darkness.
Aegon was resting, no doubt.
They'd fought together side by side. They'd protected each other. They were starting to agree on many courses of action. They were starting to be more like brothers.
But as Prince Regent, the crown on Aemond's head did not belong to him. It belonged to Aegon.
Just like his daughter.
Arlenna and the crown. Those were two things Aemond had always wanted. Two things he deserved.
But Aegon had to have them both, didn't he.
Even now, even when Arlenna had moved on, he saw the way Aegon looked at her. The way he talked to her.
Aemond touched the door handle.
Right now, Aegon was severely injured. Some of the Maesters weren't sure he'd make it.
Right now, Aemond was in charge. He had the crown. He had his wife. And she wanted to have a child with him.
It was everything he wanted.
But it was temporary.
When Aegon recovered, it would all be snatched away again.
He'd take back the crown.
Visenya would have to go back to visiting him every day.
Arlenna would have to spend afternoons with him again.
But if he didn't recover, no one would bat an eye.
Arlenna would be sad for a while but she'd get over it.
And nothing would have to be temporary.
As King, he could win this war.
As King, he could kill Daemon and Rhaenyra.
Arlenna could be Queen beside him just like she'd always wanted.
Aegon could just pass in his sleep. Quietly. Peacefully.
One pillow over the face. That's all it would take.
There was a long pause as he thought it over.
A long pause as he considered killing his brother. His King.
But, with a huff of annoyance, he removed his hand from the door handle and walked away.
Training.
He could go and train.
He needed to let off some steam.