Love and War - Aemond/Aegon Targaryen

Chapter 7

Aemond had things to attend to if he was to become regent. Arlenna had told him that she'd be fine. That she'd speak to him soon and that he should go and prioritise what was important.
He'd kissed her goodbye before he'd left with the other lords and, as he'd gone, Arlenna had been able to think of only one thing.
She could still see Aegon lying there, each rattle of a breath looking like his last.
Gods, she'd wanted this. She'd wanted to be Queen. To have power. And now she had it. But at what cost?
Her son's had echoed through the silent halls after she'd made sure that no one was there to hear them.
She'd held onto the walls, muffling the sound of her crying with her hand, and the tears had streamed down her cheeks in waves.
She couldn't stop thinking about it. About him.
She'd told him to protect Aemond and he had. But now he lay injured... Injured beyond belief. The way he looked... There was no guarantee that he would make it.
And if he didn't?
Rhaenyra would claim the throne and Gods knew what she'd do to them when she did.
Finally, after a few minutes of crying into her hand, she took a deep breath and wiped her eyes.
Another breath. Another breath. Another. Until she'd calmed herself down enough not to let anymore tears fall. Enough to make her hands stop shaking.
With gritted teeth, she straightened herself and lifted her chin - beginning her walk towards Aegon's chambers.
It was strangely quiet, despite the scurrying maids and the distant chatter of lords.
Perhaps the silence was coming from her. It did seem to echo after all. It echoed like being beneath water. Like being beneath water while someone tries to speak but their words... Their words are so far away.
So far.
The door was ajar when Arlenna reached it.
She stayed there for a moment, frozen, peering through the crack as Maesters discussed Aegon's condition.
None of what they were saying made sense.
None of what they were saying sounded good.
She could hear it in their hushed tone. In the way they glanced about the room, making sure no one could hear them discussing the possibility that the King... That he might not live.
Arlenna pushed the door aside and walked in.
The sound made the old men jump, scuttling from their positions in the corner. All of them stood to attention when they saw her.
“Where is the dowager Queen?” She asked.
“She has just departed. To see the Queen, I believe.” One of the Maesters answered.
Her gaze turned to Aegon.
He was lying in his bed. Unconscious.
He looked so peaceful.
He looked like he had done when they'd shared this bed together.
Except when they had done, his face had been perfect. Angelic, even. Not charred. Not scarred beyond repair.
“And the King? How is he?”
“His wounds are extensive, My Lady. We have done what we can but, as I told Her Grace, the King's fate now rests with the Gods.”
Arlenna nodded understandingly.
A long pause followed. A silence to end all silences.
She wanted to scream. On the inside, she was. She was screaming so violently that her throat had gone shrill.
But no sound came out.
No sound ever came out.
She had spent a lifetime biting her tongue, minding her manners, pushing back her emotions and wearing a damn mask. She'd spent a lifetime hiding who she was and how she felt.
That was what it was to be a woman.
Men? Men could scream. Men could wage wars and lay siege to kingdoms. But women? Women had to hide that rage behind a meek smile. Women had to be polite and pleasing. Always. All the time. No matter what.
And Arlenna?
Arlenna had to stay strong. She always had to stay strong. For her family. For Helaena. For Aegon. For her child.
Always so strong.
But the mask had been cracking for a long time. The perfect porcelain doll had black lines running up it's skin. And seeing Aegon there like that... It made every crack split open just a little more. Piece by piece. Soon her skin would flake. She'd melt in the sunlight and something else, something grotesque, would crawl out from inside her. And the world would ask where it came from. But the truth was, it had been there all along. It's just that no one had bothered to look for it.
“Leave us.” She said quietly.
The men all glanced around at each other. As if trying to decipher. As if she was mad and not making any sense.
But she'd spoken clearly.
She was making sense, she knew it.
The pressure around her was building. Pressure in that long, echoing, silence. Ripples over the water above her head.
Ripples over the silence.
“I said leave us.” She spoke a little louder. The men stared at her as she turned to them. “Get out! I said get out! Now!”
With wide eyes, they all began to nod.
And then they scurried off like rats.
The door clicked shut behind the last of them and Arlenna was left alone. Alone with them.
The only sound was Aegon's shaky breathing. Each rattle made her want to sob all over again.
But instead she stepped closer. Closer and closer and closer still until she was at his bedside staring down at him.
He didn't look much like a King. Not then. He looked so fragile.
“You idiot.” She whispered, her whole body shaking. “You idiot. What were you thinking?”
There was no answer of course. Not even as Arlenna fell to her knees on the cold stone floor beside him.
She rested her head on the side of the bed, her dark hair spilling onto his limp arm.
“Wake up.” She whispered. “Please wake up. Please just-” Her voice caught in her throat, a sob ripping through her no matter how hard she attempted to hold it back. “You promised me a ride on Sunfyre. Together. You promised.”
She took a breath, slowly raising her head to look at him.
He was pale. So pale. Too pale.
His lips were pale. Slightly parted for air and dry.
His lips were never dry.
“I told you I couldn't bare it if anything happened. I couldn't. I couldn't bare it if anything happened. I told you. And you took it as a challenge, didn't you?”
Her tears dripped down her cheeks, hitting the bare skin of his chest - the part of it that remained uncovered by bandages, at least.
“You have children. A wife. A kingdom to look after. You have to... You-” A groan of frustration ripped through her and her forehead was once again resting on the bed.
She took a hold of his hand and squeezed.
Then her head lifted again. She sniffled, wiping her tears on her sleeve.
“But I don't want you to wake up for them. I know responsibility was never really your thing. I know that. It's just...” Her free hand moved to gently push some of the bloody curls from his cheek.
Even now. Even with the burns and the pallid face, he was still pretty. She wondered if he'd laugh at her for saying it. “Wake up for me. If not for anything else, please do it for me. Please, Aegon. I can't lose you. I won't.”