Red, White & Blue | Bucky x Reader

Chapter Eleven

I stumble back to bridge behind Fury, feeling completely numb. The adrenaline that kept me focused has long since faded, and I ball my shaking hands into fists to keep my powers at bay.

I take a seat at the briefing table with Steve and Tony, hiding my hands in my lap, as Fury moves to stand beside Hill on the other side of the table. I look around the room, seeing the shock and devastation of Coulson's death clear on all of their faces.

I also notice that three members of our so-called team are missing. As the Hulk, Banner went after the Escort jet, jumping out of the helicarrier in the process. Thor, I presume, was dropped out of the helicarrier through the hatch in the detention level, trapped inside the glass holding cell. As for Natasha, she's currently in the medical facility with Agent Barton, who she managed to knock out and capture during the attack.

"These were in Phil Coulson's jacket," Fury says, tossing a collection of Captain America trading cards onto the table. "Guess he never did get you to sign them..."

Steve gingerly picks one of the cards, one sporting a photo of him saluting in his war-era Captain America uniform, and carefully wipes the blood from it. I flinch away as another flashback consumes me.

"We're dead in the air up here," Fury informs the group. "Our communications, location of the Cube, Banner, Thor... I got nothing for you. Lost my one good eye... Maybe I had that coming. Yes, we were going to build an arsenal with the Tesseract. I never put all my chips on that number though, because I was playing something even riskier... There was an idea, Stark knows this, called 'The Avengers Initiative.' The idea was to bring together a group of remarkable people, to see if they could become something more. To see if they could work together when we needed them to, to fight the battles that we never could. Phil Coulson died still believing in that idea. In heroes."

I barely hear what Fury is saying, too focused on my own thoughts and my shaking hands, still stained with Coulson's blood. By the end of Fury's speech, I can't stand to be in the room any longer, and I get up from my chair.

"Well, it's an old-fashioned notion," I hear Fury state as I exit the room.

"Y/n, are you okay?" Steve asks, catching up with me in the hallway and lightly grabbing my arm.

Startled by the sudden contact, a few blue wisps appear around me, but after realizing that it's only Steve, they're quick to fade away.

"Y/n, are you okay?" Steve asks again.

I stare at the floor as tears begin to flood my eyes. "I couldn't save him."

Not wanting to startle me again, Steve slowly puts a reassuring hand on my shoulder. "You did your best... We can't save everyone."

"He was my best friend!" I sob, wrapping my arms around my torso. "He was your best friend."

Steve's eyes soften as he realizes that I'm not talking about Coulson, and he pulls me into a hug.

"I couldn't save him," I repeat. "Bucky is dead because I couldn't save him."

"It wasn't your fault," Steve soothes. "Bucky knew what he was getting into when he joined the army."

Knowing that he's right, I slowly nod, but don't move from Steve's hug as my sobs subside and my breathing evens out.

"I miss him," I finally say, barely a whisper.

"I miss him too," Steve sympathizes. "God, Y/n, I'm so sorry. I'm sorry that I left you to deal with his death on your own. I should have been there for you. I got so caught up in my own grief that I never stopped to consider how it affected you."

"Don't apologize for grieving, Steve," I reply, wiping my tearstained face and stepping out of the hug. "You lost your best friend too."

Steve nods, offering me a sad smile. "I know. But I shouldn't have been so hasty. If I had waited, maybe we could've found another way to land that plane..."

I shrug. "Or we could've ended up destroying the coastal United States. You did what you believed to be the right decision at the time. Either way, it's in the past... There's no point second guessing your choices..."

Steve nods, and we fall into silence once more, remembering over our lost friend.

"He'd be proud of you, you know," Steve finally says. "Regardless of your past with SHIELD, Bucky would be proud that you chose to keep fighting, to keep the world safe."

I smile softly. "He'd be proud of us both."