Sophomore Year Journal

again and again AND AGAIIIIN.

(5/18/15)

School is almost done. I have exams this week. I feel so crazy.. I wrote down sucessfully all of my thoughts.. I hope I'm going to continue it through Junior year and see how my life goes.. Maybe I will even continue through my life and have fond memories of just looking back on everything. That would be so amazing. I'm considering printing these and saving them somewhere. :P

I met a medium.. And needless to say I found out my favorite cousin is dead. Everything I love is crashed on me.. Why did I hold on for years? He's gone..

It's so hard to take. I don't even want to swallow right now that if the Christian God is real I've done a grave sin..

I just feel nothing. Everything I ever kind of hoped for or dream for crashed on me.

All I ever really wanted was my cousin bad. My cousin, Max, Was lost at sea in Aruba. I feel so terribly eww.. I'm pretty tempted to meet another medium and try. This one was through texting. Could it have been that legit if it was texting? Maybe. I'm not sure. All I know is I'm going through all the mourning 10 years after everyone... ALLLL because I wouldn't accept that his fate was death.. Someone with (possibly) the power of the devil had to tell me to break through to me.

I'm just typing until class is over. I feel no energy. I have been extremely depressed as of late. That's pretty normal. I mean my life is a bunch of sadness and this new pile of mourning with it. I don't want him to be dead. I've gotten past the denial stage finally. My cousin is dead and I don't feel any strong "NO" towards it. Just a weak no. The weak no of me really not wanting to believe it instead of the "no" of really NOT believing it's true.

If you're curious for more information on this.. I guess In the comments I'll put a link to a webpage of him that is up. :/

I'm pretty depressed. I don't want him dead... I just.. I can't handle it.