Sophomore Year Journal

Cymbalta probably doesn't help.

Computer class.

I finished a post I worked on by myself because I didn't want to work with anyone. I prefer to let my ideas flow on their own and be my own creator.

As they say if you want something done right do it yourself.

I was in this Facebook group called "Brb feeling feels" with Megan. I loved it. But it all screwed up last night. :/

I met a few nice people.. Jack, Michael, Leonidas, Miguel and more. I felt a bit of a nice connection and it make Megan happier.

I feel so upset.. I'm pushing everyone away due to my sadness and now one thing that made me happy is gone.. oh well. The world always turns no matter what. I still have contact to them.. I just don't have the group support anymore and neither does Megan. I'm just gonna search through Facebook groups and see if I can find something similarly nice.. Mostly for Megan's sake.. She needs the happiness a bit more than I do.

I don't really like most of the people at this school.. Christians get annoying a bit. I can't base my head around religion.. It's like a boa constrictor to me.

I have to go. ;-;

I want to type more and just vent.. I don't have a study hall and typing in this at lunch is risky.

I can't wait to sit at the pond and talk to Leonidas about last night.. I seem to vent to him a bit.. Guess he's something I have after pushing everything away.

Religion class. Eh. I love my Lord and savior just please go away. I'm not a crazy religonist... or whatever.

I really can't ever give a description for the physical pain depression causes me today, even last night. I had a migraine from how upset I was. Now I just have body aches and pains. It's hard to take in how terrible I feel..

I want to either sit by the pond or church.. I wish I had a bike.. I would always be by the church.

I wonder if the neighbor has a bike I can borrow.

Eh.. Would it be rude to ask? Probably not.. And would this be the best of days to even go out?

I'll just change out of these clothes to something cooler and not black.

Speaking of religion being by the church gives me a weird sense of peace.. I think it's another thing that keeps me attached to this whole "God and Jesus" world. If I do decide to go out, I'm bringing this thing with me and connecting to the churches wifi. I want to just have time to write, and I want to write in a place it would allow me to just have so much time..

this is actually a nice release.. I somewhat feel better and a bit of my physical pain is disappearing.

I just miss my friends like crazy but I can't bring myself to talk to them.. I know I want their company so bad and I want to talk to them and have fun with them so bad..

But the "no, be alone." overpowers the "talk!" too often and then I just don't have energy on top of that.

I try to give myself energy and it never works. Caffeine.. I have energy to be awake but not to do anything else.

Ugh..

I miss Tyler and Josh the most.. Josh is a long story too I need to make on my own time. Tyler isn't that long of a story.. I just won't say the entire thing and how things pulled us together. I'll just say what BROUGHT us together.

Actually, never mind. Teacher wants to have class after a test all of a sudden, really...?

I really just don't have the mind for this.. v-v

I suppose I need to start dating these too.. It's 9/5/14. I'll start putting those in the titles and make my stupid thoughts shorter.