Sophomore Year Journal

Badum, Badum... Badum!

4/17/15

Well.. To be completely honest with you. Depression has completely engulfed me. There's so many ways that it has. I mean.. So much has happened. I've been focusing on school so much that I don't even know where I left off. :/ Like.. Okay a big situation that happened was with John and AJ and his parents. What happened was that basically his parents think I'm not a good influence on him and I'm looking to choke him out.

Okay they think that because 1. I'm a female friend with a troubled past.. a FIRST female friend. in all his life I'm his first close female friend and I guess it scares them. It's kinda sad such a thing would scare them. I only think that because males are my usual outlet.. Which they attribute to me being a whore or something I guess.. It's quite annoying! They're also thinking that I'm not "Christian enough" to be around her son as if he's completely impressionable religiously.. I'm terrified that by the end of the school year I'll never see him again. It's kinda funny.. I've basically documented my entire sophomore year! :) I hope to keep with this until.. forever! Would be so cool. I feel kinda bad I don't set aside enough time sometimes just to sit and write.

Another thing is I ended up irritating the school.. A new thing about me is I've become and Atheist.. So I should probably start there before I begin with how I irritated the school.. (Being that this was a cause for my lack of faith) I wasn't raised in faith to begin with so it doesn't help that I'm in a Christian school and they're like "Oh crap gays are bad" "don't forget women are under men" which is sooo out of tune from the actual world, really. The world in which we live in is a terrible place to Christians and they feel there can be nothing good out of it. I mean being different than this totally myself of course it's gonna be drama within myself saying "oh this isn't right" or whatever to myself.

I also started to research. I noticed so many flaws within both Atheist and Christian communities. :( It kinda sucks. I learned things such as Pascals wager, Propaganda and the whole popular sovereignty in religion.. The whole "Everyone's doing it." idea which Christians only use when trying to explain to a non believer to believe.. But once they have them in their clutch.. it's "The world is against you! Stand firm!" It sucks like hell.

One situation that ticked me off is well.. Queen Anne of England. If you don't know, her life's been pretty tragic. Our History teacher was speaking about her and said.. Without emotion! "Oh yeah she lost her husband, and all her kids. only one lived but he lived to 9 years old." It was sad. The poor woman! I feel bad trying to "teach" you guys this now. But then she was like "But guys there's something worse than this.." I couldn't understand how it could get worse.. "She's... Uhh.. Les..." SHE COULDN'T UTTER THE WORD. HOW IS WHAT SHE DOES IN BED ANY WORSE THAN WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO HER!? Stupid.. Just stupid.. Irritated me to hell and back. Another thing with this SAME TEACHER is that "Evolution is only a theory.. Not a fact!" Okay... NO. This has been proven, tested, studied, seen.. Has the Bible? NO! it's LESS CREDITABLE than that by so much. You have the same amount of proof for the existence of Harry Potter as you do for the Bible. It's historically inaccurate, scientifically and etc. etc. etc. etc. I'm done.

Another story is something happened in the state next to me, Indiana. They passed a law that it's okay to religiously persecute a person based on ANYTHING because religion. That's bull! THATRTTT:R:MF#KRMWFNEJK

Wow. I couldn't believe this. I defended against this from hell and back and refuse to buy Indiana products. Idc. I just.. RELIGIIIIOOOONNNN.

THere's so much that's happening that pushes me away from religion. From personal turmoil to logic and reasoning to experiences with these religious people..

Here's what happened within this school. Someone posted a thing on facebook saying how they were looking for a school for their kid. And everyone happily posted onto it my school. WEEELLL.. I basically said "You shouldn't go to this school if you aren't religious, but we do have a good education." THE AMOUNT OF BACKLASH. "That's a negative comment!" "All this school has ever done is help you!" "We love gays more than we love regular people we want them in Heaven!" "Did you know we have students in here with gay parents?" "What do you have against God?" "I guess were just gonna have to agree to disagree." YEAH YOU'RE RIGHT FOR ONCE IN YOUR ENTIRE BLIND LIVES THERE. Because I said nothing bad and guess what? That was my last religious straw. My very last one. There's no way a God exists and his people are so.. Angry because one thing happened that was slightly negative. If our school is as great as everyone decides to make it sound (which lets be honest it's not as great as everyone makes it sound, it's like watching an infomercial of people who aren't paid to say it but told to.) 

I just.. UGH.. I have the Recrutiment guy mad at me and I had teachers call me out in front of classes over it. It's ridiculous. I know I'm scolding something you've known your entire life but calm down. Who cares that one little athiest said "OH RELIGIOUS SCHOOL GUYZZZ. SOMEONE WHO ISN'T RELIGIOUS SHOULDN'T BE HERE BECAUS ENO ONE HAS COMMON SENSE ANYMORE ITZ NOT COMMON ANYOREZZZZZZZZ" 

Really. Who? It's actually just the staff. There's no student besides one who is probably so influenced by the staff to think that. I just.. I also know they want their money. THey can shape and fashion that in any form but there's no way there's not a money motive.. No students? no 5k each child.

I speak about this so much because that seriously was the last straw on religion. And that straw got broke in half wiht another thing amoungst my friends.

We all know Catholics and Christians fight like cats and dogs?

Well after battling cancer and severe suffering.. my Grandma passed away on Aprill 11th. Now I'm actually really upset about that. But I went to some of my really christian friends for comfort.. I was told she went to Hell for being Catholic..

That my friends is sick and twisted.. I don't feel like writing anymore. I'm glad I got to update a little bit.